FILTHY ~ Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 35

A few weeks later, on Teddy's first day at his new school, I walk into Harry's room with a smile on my face "Who's ready to be discharged?"

Harry raises his hand and I smile, before motioning down the hall "I've just punched out, so, let's do this, yeah?"

He nods, before standing up, using his walker for support. As I lead him through the halls, he asks "Who's at the house?"

I take in a deep breath, before telling him "Ginny and Charlie, at the moment. Everyone else is at work, or taking care of babies."

He nods, before smiling "I'm just ready to get out of this bloody hospital!" I chuckle as we reach the nurse's station.

I quickly help him sit, before filling out all the forms, filing them, and declaring "Let's get the fuck out of here!"

As I help him into the car, he asks "How are you and your boyfriend?"

I scoff, before telling him "We're good." He cocks an eyebrow to me and I smirk, before declaring "We're better than good."

He gives a smile as I shut the door. I quickly put his Walker in the backseat, before getting in the driver's side.

As I start the car, he asks "Have you heard from Narcissa?"

I shake my head and declare "I don't want to. She's wasted enough of my time."

He gives a weak smile, before asking "If you would have continued on with insane highs and lows, for years, how would you feel if the Weasleys said that?"

I set my jaw, before declaring "I don't want to get in a fight with you, Harry. Being mad is different than being addicted."

He reaches over and rests his hand on my shoulder "Prehaps, there's something other than her illness that you have an issue with."

I cock an eyebrow to him and he smiles, softly. And with that, we slip into silence for the rest of the drive.

~

As Harry steps into the house, I call out "Anyone home?"

Ginny pokes her head out of the kitchen and smiles "Harry!" He smiles as he hobbles into the hallway.

I stop next to the stair cupboard and joke "Right, this will be your room." He gives an amused look and I motion through the dining room "The living room, not the-" I sigh "Nevermind."

He smirks, before patting my shoulder and looking up at me "It was funny." He smiles at me, and something just clicks. Like I'm seeing someone I've lived with for several years.

I smile at him and he starts towards the living room, only he stops and sighs "I need to use the lou."

I take in a deep breath, before declaring "We've got a portable toilet in the living room, or you can try the stairs."

He furrows his brow and nods "Let's try the stairs." I nod and follow him towards the stairs.

I look to Ginny and ask "Will you carry his walker up?" She nods and I hold onto him as she does.

Harry takes a deep breath, before lifting his leg and pushing up. When he stands on the first step, he whines, before joking it off "That wasn't as easy as I thought."

I rub his back, softly "You can stop now. Use the portable toilet."

He shakes his head and insists "I'm doing this." He takes another moment, before taking another step up, trying his best to hide the fact that his legs are killing him.

About halfway up, he stops and grips onto the rails as an aching groan escapes his lip. He looks to me in agony and I give a sad smile, before asking "Do you want some help?"

He shakes his head, as he tries to catch his breath. I rub his back, gently, before he pushes forward.

As he reaches the last couple stairs, he looks to me with a pained smile "I can do this!"

I give a reassuring smile, before he climbs the last two steps. When he gets to the top, he sits on the walker's collapsible seat.

He chuckles in victory and I smile "Very good, Harry. You did very good." He rests his head on the wall.

After he takes a moment, he shuffles into the bathroom.

~

At half three, the front door opens and Charlie calls out "We're home!"

As Teddy walks into the dining room, he stops dead in his tracks. A smile covers his face and he calls out "Dad!"

He runs into the living room and I look in to find Harry hugging him from the maroon tub chair.

Harry kisses Teddy's forehead and ask "How was your day, bub?"

He smiles up at Harry and declares "It was fantastic! This guy! He just started talking to me!"

Harry smiles, before moving Teddy's hair out of his face "So, you made friend at your new school?" Teddy nods and I smile at that, before Harry nods, before resting his hand on Teddy's shoulder "Remember Teddy. The friends you lose, will always be apart of you."

Teddy nods and Harry glances to me.

I know he looks to me to tell me that, just because I lost Jamie, or Crabbe, it doesn't mean that they never existed.

The beautiful part of Jamie still lives within me. It begs for affection in ways nobody could understand. It feels me with warmth, at the sight of his photographs.

And the heinous parts of Crabbe still rake my mind. They're at the core of many of my nightmares. The thought of it sickens me.

But then I realize something. Dead or alive, my parents are dead to me.

The sickly side of my mother knocks me down, telling me that I mustn't let the children see me damaged. Rather lock myself away, hiding the pain that overwhelms my brain.

But we all know, if you bottle that shit up, something's bound to pop the cork. Something is bound to set you off. And rather that be in anger or in agony, these will be the moments that scar the innocent young minds that only know happiness.

Happiness; the key component I lacked in childhood. Rather it was my mother's illness, or my father's abuse-

No! It was definitely my father's abuse!

The hateful side of my father, screams at me to do no harm. To speak calmly to everyone. Love other's, before you make time to love yourself.

That is, of course, on of the reasons I never stop working.

Because, I can't show love.

Because, I can't feel love.

Yes, I love Jamie. And yes, I love Thom. But I can't figure out a way to show them.

I'm horrified that, if they got too close, or if I told them all the secrets I keep, they'd be mortified.

Now I know why I work so hard.

I've done some awful shit, and I need to distract myself from it.

I need to undo the bad, with acts of good.