Lust N' Hate

14

Yanna and I really valued our time together. We did The same thing we always do. Smoke, eat, cuddle, watch some shit on Netflix or Hulu. It just felt like such a relief to not have China around. As sexy as she is, I still hate that bitch. I know Yanna was getting tired of her too. She was enjoying the sex but, every time we weren't fucking I could tell she just felt annoyed and drained.

"so how do you think this is going?" She asked, her fine ass was laying on top of me. She looked up at me as I held her.

"I mean.... it's going. I wish it was going faster. I don't know how much longer I can be around her. Yea it's sexy and all, but my fucking heart hurts." I didn't think I was gonna say that out loud.

I've been thinking it in my head but never saying it. The truth is China fucking hurt me. It doesn't matter how much I act like I don't care. The hurt is still there. I can't say I was planning a future with her,  but those moments in the beginning when she was mine just keeps playing in my head. She played the fuck out of me. I keep thinking back to us baking edibles together and listening to music and laughing. Us watching her stupid reality tv shows about makeup and fashion, while I sat on the floor in between her legs as she styled my dreads. All these times flood back into my mind when I look at her. I want to break her heart too, I want to crush her. I know I will, when she's arrested but right now she gets to be happy and showered with gifts and sex. I hate it, she doesn't deserve any of this.

I must've been in deep ass thought. I ain't even notice I was crying until Yanna wiped away my tears.

I glared down at my hands.

"Tell me what's going on in your head baby" Yanna cooed trying to comfort me.

"That I shouldn't be crying over this bitch, she never cared about me." I spat angry with myself.

"But you are crying over her, and it's completely okay to have feelings." She said rubbing my back.

"No!" I said this kind of loud making Yanna jump.

"No, it's not 'okay' for me to be crying over her. I should be passed this by now. I cried over her the first 3 times she cheated on my ass. Now I just look fucking stupid.... I'm not crying cause I want her. I'm crying cause she really fucked with my head."

I couldn't even look at Ayanna while I was crying over another bitch. She deserves so much better then this.

She sighed and grabbed me, giving me a squeeze. 

"I get it. I've cried over her too. More times then I would like to admit. She does that to you. When she wants you to feel special you feel like you connect with her on such a deep level. Like the two of you were meant to meet. She fools you into believing she's a sincere person but it's all a lie. She'll use you then discard you like your useless." She let go and looked down rubbing her arm.

Yea China definitely hurt her.

"I just keep telling myself, seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, pleasing her, is all gonna be worth it when she's locked up." She said quietly .

"Yea fuck that bitch" we looked at each other and our tear stained faces and both started to chuckle. The chuckle turned into full blown laughter.

"I can't believe we are sitting here crying over this bitch" I laughed wiping her tears.

"I know right" she sniffles with a giggle.

"Ugh, lets go ahead and tell her to come over. I'm ready to get this date over with." I groaned.

"Okay I'll text her to come over in about an hour, I want time to get ready first..."  Yanna said whipping out her coral Iphone and texting China.