BOY SCOUT. － s.yh + j.jh

12: entry seventy-four

It had hit him like a sack of bricks, or more aptly like a high wave on a tempestuous day would crash against a person standing at the pier's edge: strong enough to knock them off their feet and engulf them into its depths.

Yoonoh had been thinking about it since Hayeol Min had made that comment of him and Youngho being, well, boyfriends, two months ago. Whilst his school situation didn't get any better － rather than directly confront him the other students isolated him, which he couldn't understand if it were better or not － he believed he was doing alright. His scout friends were weaselling their way past his shyness and Youngho was acting as usual around him, though their promise was still in act and he seemed more attentive to the younger's mood and needs. He was doing sort of alright, actually, because lately he'd been thinking of things he'd never thought of before and seeing everything from a different perspective.

He pondered if maybe he liked his best friend the way Hayeol had suggested all along, reflecting on their intimate actions and their direct kisses consistently making him flush a vivacious fuchsia. But how was he to understand if he liked him more than a best friend, and if he did, should he say anything? Probably not. Maybe Youngho saw it the way Hayeol and his classmates did: disgusting.

Yoonoh only came to understand his feelings on a Saturday in April, a tender drizzle falling from time to time from an otherwise pale blue sky, dotted by scarce clouds. The scouts had gathered to do community service, collecting litter left behind in parks and public gardens, and they'd been at it since ten o'clock that morning.

In his curiousity to understand himself, Yoonoh often found his gaze drifting to wherever his friend was and remaining fixated until he'd startle himself out of his reverie and proceed with his job; but doing so was harder than he would have liked.

Youngho's skin that was some shades darker than that of others was glittering with an elegant sheen of perspiration, studded with miniscule diamonds, his forehead threaded with a couple strands of black hair that had begun to clump together. The feeble sunlight struck him with precision, illuminating his high cheekbones and voluminous lips. He'd let out a laugh while talking to his friends and he'd trip on an out-of-place brick or even his own feet, and Yoonoh felt his heart thudding within him at a steady and quick pace.

His pudgy hand went to clutch at his chest, his brow furrowing slightly as he discarded his duties for a moment. Could it be that he truly did like Youngho that way? He never used to kiss other people and hugging Youngho was one of the best feelings in the world, so was Hayeol right?

He decided that even if she were, there was nothing he could nor should do about this revelation, for he'd rather not risk and ruin everything for the sake of a slim chance.

Yoonoh returned to his work, head down and back now facing Youngho.

His seventy-fourth entry was mainly filled with admiration for his friend and the final question of what it could all mean. He would remain silent nonetheless.

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