BOY SCOUT. － s.yh + j.jh

16: final entry

Two weeks were not enough to let go. Two weeks were not enough to get used to someone you've always had by your side, not being there. Two weeks were not enough to say goodbye.

The news spread like wildfire with Youngho being popular, and whilst it was nice to see how many people cared for his friend, every "Goodbye man, we'll all miss you!" made him want to scream, rip his hair out because no, they wouldn't be missing him as much as Yoonoh would be, they wouldn't be feeling their every moment of future happiness being shredded mercilessly. They won't be the ones without the one person who'd truly understood them, cared about them, and to whom they'd wholly given their heart to. They couldn't even fathom how he would feel.

Whilst it was obvious Yoonoh wasn't taking the situation well, he never let show how truly badly it affected him, too scared others would question it or, even worse, Youngho would.

Since their most intimate moment yet, the older seemed to cling to him even more and Yoonoh found it to be bittersweet, leaving a vile taste in his mouth.

He had considered it for the entirety of ten days, contemplated what he had to lose and gain only to realise that both were null. He would eventually have to move on, set this whole childish love behind him and find someone who was willing to accept and return his affections, and he couldn't do that with the weight of his journal being so great on his mind.

He decided to give it away, give it to Youngho as a parting gift, let him read it if he wanted to and expose his rawest self to him. Perhaps it was embarrassing, but Yoonoh didn't care, he couldn't keep the book that was filled with every pathetic detail of his life and throwing it into the rubbish felt as though he were discarding his love for Youngho itself. While he did long to grow out of it, treating his feelings and all his years with the other boy as garbage was unthinkable.

And so the day of the flight, two weeks now lost to the unending gluttonous hunger of time, before leaving home to see Youngho off at the airport, he wrote a message on a slip of paper, taped it to the first blank page inside the journal, and tied it shut with an old shoelace.

That was the first thing Youngho read, sunken into the rubbery seat he was given for his flight, now thousands of miles above the ground, growing farther from the person he called home.

i guess you'll need something to read on your long flight and there are things i never got to tell you. i hope you are happy in america. have a safe trip! from,
your boy scout

⟻⊗⟼

i had begun writing an extra ending for after this, a happy one, but i decided to leave it more open

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