Vanished

A Funeral to Remember

Hey loves x

Songs I listened to while writing this:

Blank Space -Taylor Swift

I Know Places -Taylor Swift

Kind of obsessed with her new album

lol no hate bc she queen

and slays

Jeremy's POV

Black.

All I could see was black. Roses, clothes, eyes. Everything around me was covered in black.

They lowered the casket slowly into the ground, the family crying. Arianna never deserved any of this. She should still be here, right next to me. My throat felt swelled up, like I couldn't swallow anything. The pain was unbearable. Everytime I thought about Ari, I considered dying. What's a life without her? It's not a life at all, that's what.

        "Jeremy?" a voice called out. I looked around, searching my surroundings. My eyes finally fell upon a bruised and dirty girl. Through the leaves and dirt, I could make out a face.

Brittany.

        "Brittany?" I replied, looking into her eyes. "How are you here?" 

        "I made it out," her smile was cutting through me like a blade. "I made it." I couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of rage. If she had made it out, is that why Arianna is dead in front of me?
        "I'm sorry," she replied, the smile losing it's shine. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

        "Me neither," I stated, trying to hide my anger. Brittany didn't know what was going on. How could she have known her actions could kill Ari? But how did they kill Ari? Wasn't she already dead? My mind swirled with thoughts filled with death, Arianna, and Brittany. None of them deserved this, I didn't even deserve this. Maybe I did. I tried to give up Brittany for Ari, only for my own selfish needs. Arianna was already dead, so even if I had traded Brittany, it wouldn't have made a difference. I just couldn't help but feel a little guilty that I hadn't sat her down and told her how much I had missed her and loved her.

        "I'm sorry,"  she repeated, brushing a few leaves off of her leggings, ignoring the dirt attached to her face.

        "I know," I replied, realizing that I should be nicer to Brittany. All she wanted was love from me, which I couldn't provide because of Ari. Now that she was gone, I felt it was my duty to take care of Brittany. "I'm sorry, too."

But was I? What was I sorry for? It seemed lately that I had apologized for things that I couldn't explain. Yes, I was sorry for Arianna dying. But was that my fault? No. I couldn't have stopped it. I also could have told her what she meant to me. But did I do that? Guilt weighed down onto my shoulders, seeming to leave an indent in my heart. But here was Brittany, sitting ever so perfectly. Finally back, fitting into the crowd like an apple in a bowl of oranges.

        "How are you doing?" I decided on saying. She pinched the bridge of her nose, like she had to think to come up with a believable lie.

        "I'm okay," she nodded her head, trying to believe her own lie.

        "Brittany, I don't want lies," I firmly stated. "I would think we are on that stage where we can tell each other anything."

        "Are we, Jeremy? Because you know what I think? I think that I am on that stage, but you are still in this dream fantasy with Ari. To tell you the truth, I am not okay. I just escaped from this prison I like to call my own personal Hell. And to add onto that, I witnessed a girl's murder today," her voice grew with every word, attracting attention from other people attending the funeral.

        "Who?" I ignored the parts about our relationship, focusing on the parts about a girl's death. "Was it Ari?" 

        She nodded, weeping silently. Her hair was a tangled mess, but I embraced her into a hug, stroking it slowly. 

        "I know.." I whispered. But really, I didn't know anything. Only a couple years, I would have Ari in my arms. Instead, I had a new girl, who had been in the same place as Ari. So much has happened over the past few years, mostly for the worst. The only good thing I got out of this was Brittany. 

This actually might turn out to be a blessing.

Yes, Ari would never come back.

Yes, I loved Ari.

Yes, I have guilt,

Yes, I traded Brittany for Ari.

Yes, I could have saved Ari from that field that horrible evening.

But, no, I can't do anything about the past.

What's done is done.

And I need to move on.

With one last sweeping motion of my hand, I wiped away the last tear I would ever produce for Ari.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ari's POV

        I opened my eyes to a friendly, pearly smile. 

        "Hello," the voice sounded angelic, almost welcoming. "Welcome."

        "Hi," I replied, feeling the back of my neck. For some reason, the pain felt like it still remained. "Where am I?"
        "Look around," she smiled again, filling me with a warm sensation. I did as told, and my mouth gaped. The area was filled with white trees, white fluffy ground, and filled with excited and happy people all around me.

        "Am I dead?" I asked, fear rushing through my veins.

        "Yes," her head dropped, the friendly, warm sensation disappearing slowly. "I'm sorry."

        "It's okay," I lied, feeling a couple of tears streaming from my eyes. Soon, they all started coming. A few people glanced my way, but most ignored me. I couldn't help from crying, I missed my old life. I missed Jeremy.

        "What did I do to deserve the life I had?" I cried out, slamming my fist into the ground. 

        "Nothing," she whispered in a smooth, calming way. "You didn't deserve any of it."

        "Then why did it happen?" the phrase even broke my own heart. It sounded like a lost, abandoned puppy asking why people didn't love him,

        "Truth be told, no one deserves death. You had a painful death, and I am sorry. In life, it is not fair. We are not handed what we always want. Sometimes, we are handed things far more greatful than we could ever imagine, but sometimes we are handed things we don't deserve. Things far worse than we could ever dream of of," she smiled sympathetically at me.

        "Okay," I managed to squeak out. 

She took me onto a tour of this newly found place, that I soon learned is Heaven.

I had never imagined a life full of great things, until I met Jeremy.
True, I lost him, got him back, and lost him again.

But I learned to be thankful for the time I did have with him. My life was full of great memories, and also full of bad ones. My dreams had always been to fall in love with a person who was nice, brave, and dangerous. Jeremy had been all of those.

I am hopeful that the future will bring great things.

Even if Jeremy won't see me anytime soon.

I'm learning to move on.

It might be hard,

but

soon,

we all find some anchor to grab onto to help us through hard times.

I just haven't found my anchor yet.