Hey... I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays....
As you can think, mine didn't go well.
First, I was seen like a servant for all the Christmas dinner. And since I didn't sleep much before, I was exhausted, I nearly fell from tiredness but I was able to manage it. Second, on the Christmas eve, I was left behind by all my family, like always, since my brother was here. And for two weeks I barely sleep, because of my insomnias. But the worst was today.
My mother came in my room, she started to arguing about all my life choices I've made. Even the one I didn't really did, like my studies (I never been in studies I choose.) Sje started to yell at me she was done with my shit, that I didn't try and still don't try, she blame me for almost everything I ever done. And then she told me she didn't want to please me again, she was done with that. And then she left my room, leaving me alone, woth my hurt and my through.
Right now, I really doubting of myself. What if she's right ? What if everything bad who happened to me was because I was looking for it ? I know it's not the case. I know I'm not the one to blame in this but I just can't help myself.
Honestly, while I was crying minutes before, I even think about killing myself, but I just can't do this because my friends will be hurt. I don't want to die, really, I love being alive, but I just can't deal with the pain anymore...
I just don't know what to do... I'm feeling so down right now....
Again, thank you for reading this (I'm not even sure someone actually reads this book) and I hope your holidays gone on the way you wanted it....
See ya
YOU ARE READING
My fucking diary
RandomIt's just a book to ease a little bit my pain. English is not my native langage and sometimes, i'll post in french. I don't really care if someone read it or not, I jus want to write and post how I feel and why. I don't give advice for dealing with...