My fucking diary

Why did they do it to me ?

So, basically I'm in vacation with my parents for 3 weeks. We are going to really nice places. But like always, they insult me, they take me down, compare me with my brother, tell me how is great and I'm such a failure beside him. Maybe they're right. I don't know. But it's hurt me like hell. I mean, are they know I'm only human ? Yersteday, my grandma call me "Garce" who is "Bitch". In french, they're only two damn insults I can't forgive. "Lâche" (coward) and "Garce". My mom call me Coward quite often and then, my grandma whoo's always nice with me, called me Garce. I mean, how can they tell this to a member of their family, who's always broken because of 15 years of bully ? How can they think it won't affect me like hell ?! During the school year who just pass, I've been working on my depression,and started to feel a little better. But everytime I'm alone with them, they always broke me, like I they really don't want me to be cured. I know it's not true and they don't do it on purpose, but fuck, I'm not strong enough to deal with that entire shit. I'm too broken for deal with their words. Why they just leave me alone for once ? I can't do it anymore, I'm going to be insane because of them. Fuck !

Are they thinking I'm a machine or what ? I'm only human, I have emotions, insecurity ! They broke me everyday, every words, every actions they do, broke me. I can't. I'm going to die if all my pain continue to growing. For god sake, give me a fucking break ! For once in my life, I want to feel something else than just pain and despair when I'm with them !

If only someone can take my pain away... I just want to rest for a minute, without thinking about what they're going to tell me. Without wondering if I going to make it the day after. Without fearing a talk with them. I just want to have a normal family life for once in my life...

Is that too much ?