My fucking diary

So, forget what I said earlier

Hey,

So. My crush broke my heart. Like, two hours ago.

I'm not that upset for the rejection, I was prepared for this in a corner of my head... The thing who hurt me the most is the fact he did by text ! By fucking text ! We see each other almost every day at school ! I didn't even ask him anything, he just came, before dinner, and say he jsut didn't want to have a relationship with me, BY FUCKING TEXT. Who do that, except assholes ? He wasn't an asshole before that ! Why ? Why did he do this to me ?? I thought we were having a thing...

I was so stupid to have my hopes so up. It was just so beautiful to be real. Like... Me ? Having the right to be happy ? Ha, Karma's laughing right now.

Why would I be happy anyway ? Like, I never had the chance to be happy, so why now ? My life was just to bright those days, and of course something bad would happened soon enough, but I didn't think it would be this... I just wanted to love and be loved... Like everyone else.

Am I not worthy enough for happiness ? I don't understand why my life keep being so hard. Why ? Just why ??
I'm starting to lose my mind, I honestly want the pain to go away.

Why is this hurt so much ? Why my entire life hurt so much ? Why can't I be happy ? Why I have to live though so much violence, pain, sorrow ? All my years of being bullied wasn't enough already ?? For whzt sin am I punish so hard ? What did I do ?

Will the pain, one day, fade away ? Or do I have to deal with it, 'til the end of the line ?

Can't I rest for a bit ? Is there anyone who can make me rest ?

I don't want to kill myself, but if someone want kill me, then, please do. If a car dash on me, I wouldn't even take a step forward.
I just want the pain to go away, for once and ever.

I want my happy ever after. Even if it's just death. I don't want to suffer again, for nothing.

Whatever what I did in my past life, the person I am now, didn't deserve so much pain. Screw my destiny, screw my problems, screw everything, I just want to go away from this place, I just want to flee, far far away from here, from my pain. I don't want to suffer anymore.

I just can't handle it anymore.