As usual at this time of year, magic is in the air. People are excited, bursting with anticipation for the day they've been waiting for all year round. Christmas ornaments are up, the trees are hung with glittering decorations and there's enough fairy lights to pose a serious fire hazard. Everyone's embracing the spirit of Christmas with endless joy.
But not me.
I didn't want to spend my Christmas Eve like this, drugged up and full of dread for what's to come. Going through trauma before at this time of year is obviously going to put a downer on things, but I don't know. I didn't think I would be like this. I didn't know how badly it was going to affect me.
I hate these kinds of holidays now. Before, when I was younger, these were the moments I lived for. Now, I can't cope with it all. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, you name it. Every holiday is just a reminder of who isn't there. The people who should be celebrating with you, but will never see another holiday again. Because life doesn't give you a fairytale ending. Life can be taken away, at any moment.
At this time of year, it's all I can think about.
How much I miss them.
Tomorrow is going to be a rough day, for sure.
YOU ARE READING
still surviving
PoesieA collection of poems and diary entries from the diary of a girl with mental illness. These are the words unspoken, the raw reality of fighting against your own mind in the battle for recovery. Some content may be triggering for some readers, partic...
