Replaced

Old habits die hard

TW: Cutting, depression,

Patton, Logan and Roman were currently watching some movie. Logan asked Virgil if he wanted to join but the boy said that he was busy.
Virgil didn't say why and what he was doing, just that he was.
Logan didn't want to interrupt his privacy or make him feel like they don't trust him, so he just left to tell the others.

Meanwhile, Virgil was sitting in the back of his room in a corner, gripping his hair tightly. His breath was irregular and the boy kept mumbling unclear words. He tried to deny that the things in his mind were true, but...

Oh god, they hate me!

Why do I keep messing up?

They don't care about me... why would they?

I'm just hindering Thomas. He doesn't need me. No one does.

Why would anyone need me? I'm just a burden. A mental illness. A disorder...

They just didn't get rid of me by now because they pity me.

With shaking legs, Virgil got himself up. Leaning on a wall, the boy took a few deep, shaky breaths that didn't really help at all and walked into his bathroom, tears clouding his vision.

Virgil quickly searched for the small box he hid in there.
The boy opened the searched item when found and took out a little shiny object.
Breath still hitching, he stared at it for a few seconds before guiding it to his bare skin.
Virgil placed it on a spot on his arm and pulled it. He watched how a small red line appeared shortly after and slowly little red dots became visible.
He repeated this a few times until he was calm and placed the razor down.
No sob escaped his mouth anymore and he was only crying silent tears.

Virgil washed his arm and bandaged it, before he started cleaning the blood on his floor.
The boy hid the box ones again and then started listening to music.
He knew that sleep would only make things worse so he stayed up all night like he did the one before. And the one before that. And it goes on and on. Virgil sometimes fell asleep at day. It was just enough for his body to not die. So that's all he needed.

His thoughts trailed over to all the other sides. Virgil hopes they were happy. That's all he could wish for. His family to be safe and sound and happy. That's all Virgil needs...
He would sometimes walk into their rooms and watch them sleep. It gives him a good feeling, knowing their safe and seeing them so peaceful. It was always a beautiful sign.

Maybe he could find a way for him to be like this. Forever.