Graceless

Un

Dedicated to @Nutella_Cake for the beautiful cover to the side :)

-EDITED 19/10/15- 14/05/16

I

When Dr. Greene had told me that she'd be leaving I didn't expect it to be so soon. I was almost comfortable enough around her to say something. Nobody knew what happened to me except for me and... I shuddered and pushed the thoughts away. I couldn't have a meltdown, not today. I didn't want to be an inconvenience to the new head doctor in the first three seconds of meeting them.

My breath caught in my throat as I put my hand on the door handle. Maybe this thing isn't working. It's stupid. I'm never going to talk. Ever. I just couldn't. Couldn't make sense of anything or why they happened the way they did. Couldn't find the words, the energy or even the slightest amount of time to care about what happened anymore.

My pulse quickened and my breathing grew uneasy. I held on to the door handle for dear life. Just this once...

I felt his beauty before I saw his face.

Maybe it was the fact that the room was a few shades lighter and the air conditioning was way colder, maybe it was the paintings that hung on the white walls which were once brown replacing the certificates or maybe it was just his face in its glorious perfection. His surprisingly youthful face that hit me in my gut like a speeding train. I couldn't breathe, it took me a few seconds to process what was happening.

He was smiling expectantly, I just nodded solemnly partially because I didn't hear what he said.

"Hello Ms. Delacroix," his faint Dutch accent articulate as ever and sheepish smile; his full rosy lip tilting upwards ever so slightly, "I can call you Grace... right?"

I blinked and my pulse accelerated. I was going to have I panic attack. I. Couldn't breathe. I just looked at him afraid and dumbfounded. The people here probably thought I was a mute because I never said a word.

I never really understood how I got a job. They probably thought I needed the money. I didn't. Just an excuse to get out of the house and away from myself. An excuse to focus on people, on anything but myself. I tapped my finger against my thigh trying to get my pulse and breathing to a slow, normal rhythm. Inhale. It's just two hours. Exhale.

"Why don't you have a seat wherever you feel is most comfortable Grace," He cleared his throat and smiled at me, eyes soft and inviting.

I was still stuck at the door with my hand on the handle. Tap. Inhale. Tap. Exhale. Tap. Inhale. My legs started moving forward. It was involuntary, the walking. Tapinhalexaleinhaletapexhale. Everything got disoriented the closer I grew to him. I felt exposed. Seen. He probably heard about me. Of course he has Grace, that's his job. I mean the rumours. His eyes, which I couldn't tell the colour of, bore through me and caused my lips to tighten.

I didn't want to look him in the eyes. I didn't want him to see my face. So I lay down on the expensive looking black leather couch with my back facing him. My heart was still erratic, I tried to calm down by cradling my knees against my chest. I tried my best to ignore him. I couldn't deal with anyone new right now. It was just too overwhelming.

"I'm Doctor Knox Van Der Beek," He was talking so much.

He asked me my age. I didn't answer. My favourite hobbies. I didn't answer that. My favourite band. I didn't answer that either. My birthday. Did he not read my file?

"Where are you from Grace?" It was like a punch to the stomach, I gasped and my spine straightened "How was your childhood?"

My eyes burned with tears. Not of sad memories but of anger. I stood curtly and stepped furiously.

"I'm sorry Ms. De—

Slamming the door shut behind me, the cold evening air cooled down my burning face. I just wanted to hit something soso badly. But I couldn't bring myself to it. I just stood there shaking like a Chihuahua, hot tears streaming down my burning face.

Why is it so hard to just heal?

I sighed and leaned against the door hitting my head against it absently before deciding that I should go back. Just. Not today.

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A/N

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