Real Life.

Real Life Chapter #10

Hello, hi, kon' nichiwa, bonjour!

Welcome back to my cringe book!

Well, I am back again!

With a lot more to give you guys, this chapter contains mentions and actions of self-harm, drugs, drinking, and some really light sexual themes. You might want to read with discretion and carefulness since its a pretty heavy chapter, anyways enough chit chat from me lets get on to this chapter.

Enjoy, comment, and vote!
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**Alexandra's POV**

I was hidden away in my room, smoking my problems away, I never though I would go back to smoking and if you told me two days ago I would, I'd probably say you fucking nuts.

I exhaled the smoke out of my mouth after taking another hit from the almost completely burnt out cigarette, I felt relaxed, this was helping a lot, and you might wonder:

Why are you back to stage one?

Well let me start from the beginning, two days ago I was hanging out with Jack, Noah and Zayn and well Zayn kissed me in front of Jack, I was pissed off because I told him we were nothing and that I didn't feel nothing for him.

He looked really hurt, and I know I lied and it hurt like fuck to lie to him after all he has done for me, after Zayn stormed out of the Chinese restaurant with Noah hot on his heels, Jack told me that he needed space to think about what is going on between me and Zayn, of course I said nothing happened but he knew I was lying to him, it was like he could smell the lie.

After that I sighed and gave up I explained to him what had happened and how this all started, he was shocked, he told me he was pissed of that I was dating his boyfriend's best friend and that got me really mad because,

'I AM NOT DATING HIM FOR FUCKS SAKE!' I yelled at him as everyone turned their attention to us, Jack's eyes widened but it didn't last for long.

'The worst thing is you know you lying but you keep trying to convince me, and trust me I am so fucking hurt right now Alex, are you even my best friend anymore?'

are you even my best friend anymore?

you even my best friend anymore?

...even my best friend anymore?

...my best friend anymore?

...best friend anymore?

...anymore.....anymore...?

His words kept coming back to my head at any time of the day, and It made my soul and heart ache. Every time I though about it, it fucking hurt my head to even try to think of what I would do with my life now, I don't have Zayn, I don't have Jack, is my life even worth living anymore?

I should just kill myself.

Do it...

People are not even going to notice my disappearance...

Oh trust me they won't...

'Should I do it now?' I though to myself a small tear dropping down my cheek, the voice in my head feels so truthful and real...

I walked to my bookshelf grabbing the secret book from the top shelf, I opened it up looking at the two blades, I felt like they were pulling me into doing this again, I grabbed the newest one walking to my bathroom and locking the door behind me. (Warning, self harm).

I took off my hoodie, leaving me in only a bra, I slipped in to the bathtub sitting down close to the back of the tub. I grabbed the blade from the armrest looking at it, thinking twice about doing this...because I know that when I start...I wont be able to stop...