𝕃𝔸𝕊𝕊𝕀𝕋𝕌𝔻𝔼- C.G

~Chapter 4~

————
Carl Gallagher}

I walked in that classroom and saw someone I didn't expect at all. I forgot I'd had a heart until I saw her. WHY THE FUCK IS SHE HERE?! Is she here to ruin me again? She could definitely do it, over and over and over again.

I walked back out of the room for a split second to breathe.

You don't care that she's here. She didn't care when she left so why should you care that she's back, is what my mind was saying.

Shut the fuck up..you know you've missed her so much you fool. Her being in the same room as you makes you feel whole again, is what my heart was telling me and though I wanted to follow my mind, it was a lie and I hate lies.

I walked back in the classroom, told this douche ass kid to get out my seat and flopped down in the desk.

I looked over at her and she was smiling at a joke that blonde girl had told her.

..but it wasn't her genuine smile I remember. I wanted to be selfish and say no one could make her smile or laugh the way I could, but I couldn't do that. I'm already a shitty person with a shitty personality, so I don't need a shitty ego.

I hadn't realized I was staring and her eyes caught mine. Of course I was smiling at the fact that she was smiling. I stared at her for one good second and then at that second I realized she'd looked older. More mature..and badass, but still beautiful and innocent as ever though. It's just..she looked more tired..mentally and physically. What did that fucking school do to you Holden? That hurt me because, she should feel good and happy in every way-

Dude shut up. She broke you. She left you...it wasn't the other way around.

I turned my head, no way I could focus through this class...or any of them for that fact.

———

"Yeah dude. See you tomorrow." I yelled down the hall as I headed towards the school's entrance to leave but dropped a dollar and bent down to pick it up. As I hopped back up someone ran into me.

I didn't realize who it was until I heard a voice. Then that scent of vanilla. Shit, I forgot she smelled like fucking vanilla.

"I'm sorry-"

"Just be glad you didn't run into some douche."
Why am I this way? All I had to say was that it's okay.

"Wait..have you been okay?"
Hasn't changed one bit. The way she was so gentle and caring almost made me gag...there needed to be more people like her.

"Why do you care?"

"That's fucked up Carl."

I saw those tears. I did that, now I feel horrible inside. Why am I so angry? I'm so freaking angry. Is guilt as well?

"What was fucked was you leaving me when you knew I needed you the most- it's not worth it."

..I just couldn't stop.

"..you can think what you want, but it doesn't mean it's the truth."

I know Holden.

"It doesn't mean it was right either."