𝕃𝔸𝕊𝕊𝕀𝕋𝕌𝔻𝔼- C.G

~Chapter 6~

[Holden]

"Yeah, that's about all."

"That's such a sad ass way to end way to end shit girl." Kalani says quietly.

"I've come to accept it wasn't my fault, or his either. I mean, I should've told him earlier, plus lack of communication just causes this shit. I don't even know if Carl's ass was capable of doing that."

"Maybe you were the exception in his life. The one he didn't have to hide himself from. Maybe you brought out the best in him." She says.

I shake my head. "Well, we kind of won't know now, and I definitely think not. Besides, we're growing up, made it this far. No use of dwelling on the past. I gave him the truth..and he, d-didn't come for me.." I reply.

"Baby girl..." Kalani whispers as she hugs me.

"Geez, stop before I cry. I don't feel like dwelling in my emotions today Lani. I love you so much though."

She lets go smiling.
"Of course! If it means anything, I really do hope y'all get the chance to have closure."

I nod.
——

So here we are..sitting in class again apparently not able to stop myself from staring at..him.

This isn't fair I say accidentally kicking my leg in to the desk's leg.

"Miss Primrose? It appears your desk is a distraction to you huh?" The lady in the front of the class announces loudly.

Now currently everyone's eyes is on the new girl that's not so new.

"Ahh shoot." I whisper.

"Well?"

"Sorry, I was falling asleep so I wanted to wake myself up to hear your wonderful voice." I snap back with an innocent smile.

I get a few giggles out of everyone.
Carl himself.

"Yeah I think she helped us all out." He chuckles back. The class laughs.

Did he just save me?
Carl you son of a b-

He looks back at me, then turns around to face the front again.

"You're first warning child."

I lean back rolling my eyes.

"I know you're pissed off but girlie..." Kalani whispers.

"Well I can't look weak either, she could mind her business, it was a an accident."

"True," she replies. "Apparently your boy thought so too."

I shush her.
Great what a long 40 minutes this will be.

....

*

*

*

After class, I said bye to Kalani, and zoomed out.
I didn't want to see anyone. I wanted to go home. I wanted to lock myself in my room.

I put in my earbuds desperately trying to zone the world out. I began walking not knowing where my feet was taking me.

I ended up on a bench. Staring at a tree wave it's leaves in wave like motions

"Why the hell is he still on my mind? I mean he hurt me..it wasn't the other way around..it couldn't have been the other way around, right?"

"I'm so tired."

"Crazy, me too."

Damn. That voice, is forever recognizable. When did it ever become uhh..that mature.

"Why are you here, Carl?" I respond. That were really the only words I could think of.

"Well one, your ass always used to absentmindedly come here. Two, crazy how I've been thinking the same exact thing you just said since you..came back."

"I don't really owe you an explanation."

"Yeah true, maybe as a something more then friends you don't, but for me to have been your best friend..you would think you would've given one, stayed in touch, let me know WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. But I don't get shit from you, not even a bye."

"THAT SO UNFAIR. NO NO NO. You will not do this to me. I can't feel at fault here, I worked- I worked to hard to not...I worked so hard to not hurt. So no."

"Shit Holden, just tell me why?..I need the closure."

"Well Carl, I needed the closure that you loved me but I know..we were young, it's should've never been that deep anyways." I say wiping tears from my eyes.

I finally face him. Maybe he's actually hurt too, I don't think I've ever seen him..look at me so desperately like that. Perhaps I was to hard on both him and myself.

"I came back, because my dream school turned out to be something that ruined my dreams. It ruined my chances of paving a small way of success for all of us but was I thinking, right? I can't escape this place...and now I feel like I can't escape the hurt either. It feels like this is all I'm worth."

I stand up and as I begin to walk away.

"I never asked you to do that for me. No one asked you too. Maybe it wasn't completely me that hurt you, maybe it was your hellish expectations you put on yourself, without firstly realizing you are already more then enough. Being a perfectionist is L behavior. You did that to yourself Holden."

"Right. Well looks like we all got things to heal from now."

I finally walk away. Atleast he's matured. Maybe he'll become of a version of himself he's proud of.

I left to prevent this from happening stupid.

——
Author's note: Short chapter I know don't beat me up okay😭😭