Silently Falling in Love: Lucky Charm THIS IS THE EDITED VERSION

Chapter 12 - Destiny

As I sat outside watching the sunset, I realized even though I hadn't married Raj, had I turned into the good wife after all? Had I given up who I was for my husband? Was there any difference between marrying Alex or Raj? I hadn't thought of Raj in years. It was my past, and I had been busy with the present.

In time I had seen nothing wrong with being the good wife, but after my friendship with Alex I knew I needed to end my relationship with Raj even before he cheated on me. It wasn't just that Alex made my pulse race; it was his friendship that made me realize how unhappy I was with Raj. I was happier when Raj travelled for work. I preferred spending an evening with Tarun cha-cha and Alex at the workshop than going to the fancy parties and restaurants with Raj.

I convinced myself that the Indian things that I liked so much – the food, music, Bollywood movies, language, clothes, and rituals were things most Indian women liked, but most Indian men didn't so I shouldn't be upset when Raj complained about them. Except Alex never complained, and he was only half Indian. He complimented me when I wore traditional Indian clothes. When he traveled to the Far East, he brought me back bootleg copies of the latest Bollywood movies and mixed music CDs. He made late night kati roll runs and didn't complain about the dripping grease and stench of raw onions. He chatted in Hindi and Punjabi with Tarun cha-cha without being embarrassed of speaking something other than English. He never questioned why I liked something.

It was easy being Alex's friend, but it was hard being Raj's fiancé. I realized I couldn't play the role of the good wife, even though I had wanted marriage so badly, in the end, I wanted more. I wanted to be more than a dutiful wife.

After my broken engagement everyone thought I was fragile and would fall apart. My friends and family meant well, but the hovering and hushed tones were unnecessary because I had been unhappy long before his infidelity. Funnily, no one had noticed the earlier sadness in me. If they had watched closely, they would have known that's when I needed their support.

The first few months my retreat from life was mistaken for depression. I wasn't depressed, I needed to recalibrate my thoughts on life and marriage and come to terms that marriage might not be in the cards for me. I took a two-month sabbatical to travel on my own to Mexico, Guatemala, and Nicaragua attending yoga retreats everywhere I went. It was great seeing new countries, practicing yoga daily, and being far from anything that was familiar. It was the Americanized version of yoga, far from the yoga described in scriptural texts, but it was fun.

I ended my journey full of life and energy and ready to move on. I was ready to attend Katherine and Andrew's engagement party.

I made peace with myself knowing that I may never get married and it would not be the end of the world. I had no regrets of my relationship with Raj because I'd learned about myself and what I would change and not change for a life partner. I returned home, relaxed, tanned and back to my carefree self.

The timing of Katherine's engagement party couldn't have been better; it was the last weekend before I returned to work. What better way to end my sabbatical than at my best friend's engagement with all of my friends?

After getting ready at Katherine's apartment we walked into the upscale Italian restaurant whose owner was one of Katherine's dad's clients. We arrived early, so we'd be there before any of the guests and Andrew and his family from Tennessee arrived.

"Do you think Andrew's friends will hold up to the stereo-types of Southern men?" Tina whispered loudly in my ear.

"And what are those stereo-types?"

"That they're all gentlemen, still practice chivalry, drink beer, sound sexy with a Southern accent, and keep their boots on in bed," Tina retorted trying not to laugh.