Boundaries

Now or Never.

I thought I knew everything I needed to.

But it turns out I knew nothing at all.

For the past six days, since I last saw Hero, I've made sure to keep my distance and my head down.

I feared that if I were to see any of them since our previous encounter, I'd be in more danger than I had put myself in before.

I thought I understood them. I thought I understood how they functioned and how they acted.

But after seeing one of them kill someone, I knew that my thoughts deceived me.

Even Hero seemingly became another man as he shouted frantically at me, his eyes turning black as his face twisted with anger and conflict.

I had some understanding that the man who killed another held some higher power over the others. The way they crowded around him and watched his every move.

The way he held himself, and the way he was able to arouse nothing but pure fear from his victim.

Part of me felt that Hero had the capability to do that.

I felt nothing but fear as I looked into those black eyes.

Fear over what exactly, I wasn't sure.

Fear that the man who killed someone would kill Hero too?

Fear that he'd come outside and see me?

Fear that I was their next victim because I didn't listen to Felix?

I knew he was watching out for us, but now that I've lost Hero's trust, I was fair game.

Truth is, Hero has lost my trust too.

How could I trust a man who keeps secrets and hangs out with murderers?

There was no way I could get sucked into that bullshit.

I found that I was straying further and further from my goal.

I came here for a better life, not to lose it.

Sure, I was struggling for inspiration on my project that I'd most likely never be able to submit.

Sure, I could barely sleep at night knowing that someone was... or wasn't watching me.

Sure, I lost one of my only friends in Khadijah because she was weary of the fact that I was possibly keeping more secrets from her.

But one thing is for sure.

I was better off without Hero, and I couldn't let myself fall into his trap again.

Not without a fight.

***

I hadn't seen Jo in six days, and rightfully so.

Even though my yelling at her was a bit extreme, I think we've both indirectly made each other aware that it was best to keep our distance.

It was a close call with Seb, and she was exposed to how much of a monster he really was.

What I never wanted her to see in the first place.

It seemed that the only way I could get the point across was by acting as harshly as I did.

But I would never be able to live with myself if I knew something happened to her.

And that will never change.

She's better off without me.

But these past six days have been hard.