LINDSAY'S POV
I woke up the next morning on the bed instead of the couch, Vic's arm wrapped around me, his long, deep breaths hitting the back of my neck. I put my hand on his, all the guilt of yesterday hitting me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't cry at the same time. I knew that I had feelings for Vic, and I knew that he loved me. But I was too scared to accept the fact that he did. I was scared that he was going to hurt me, and scared that he would in turn hurt himself as well. No matter how many times he told me he would never hurt me, I wouldn't be able to believe it, no matter how much I wanted to.
Vic let out a short moan in his sleep, and I couldn't help but chuckle. I turned halfway on my back and looked at him. His hair was in his face as usual, his mouth slightly open. He snored lightly, and his hand twitched in my grasp. I fully turned around so I could look at him better. As I moved, he moved in his sleep, moving in closer to me. His face was two inches away from mine, his eyes still closed, his mouth still slightly opened. He tightened his hold on me, refusing to let me go. In that moment I couldn't have felt safer, but in that moment I couldn't have felt more alone. I lifted my left hand to push the hair out of his face, and saw the bandages left from last night's damage. I quickly put my hand back under the blanket, terrified of the reminder that last night I hit my breaking point. After the sight of my wrist, my eyes watered up, and I let the tears silently fall down my cheeks. I accidentally took a deep, shaky breath, and ended up waking Vic.
"Oh, babe..." Vic whispered as he caressed my face. He drew me in closer, wrapping both of his strong arms around me. "It's gonna be okay...everything's gonna be okay, I promise." He stroked my hair and comforted me as best as he could, but the tears wouldn't stop coming. I had to get away from him, I needed some space. I quickly got out of the bed and stormed out of the room. I went out onto the porch, and sat down in one of the chairs, and continued to let the tears fall from my eyes. I was once again reminded of last night by the bandages around my wrists. Every time I looked at them, more and more tears started falling down my cheeks, and I didn't know how to stop them. I was so disappointed in myself, for everything. For not accepting Vic's love, for breaking down, for becoming weak. I hated myself in that moment more than I ever did before. "Lindsay...?" Vic came outside. I got up and walked off into the woods, going the same path that led to the lake.
As I walked through the woods, I slowly began to calm down. Eventually, I arrived at the lake and was completely calm. It was as if this whole trance came over me once the first sight of the lake hit my eyes. I automatically stopped thinking. I didn't feel anything. I couldn't do anything but take in the beauty of the lake. I sat down by the water, put my bare feet in (not realizing until then that I had run off with out shoes), and just sat there, letting time slip away; letting the reality outside of this wonderland go on with out me.
After letting my head clear itself for sometime, I decided it was time to go back to the cabin. Vic was probably worried about me, and I didn't want him to think I was never coming back. I walked slowly, not wanting to return right away. I let my feet feel the rough crunch of the dead, fallen leaves on the forest floor. I heard the birds chirp, and the squirrels and chipmunks scatter through the trees. I witnessed the sun break through the trees in random spots, enjoying the darkness otherwise. The forest was so calm, and so was I. I felt more alive in here than I did anywhere else. With out realizing it, I was back at the cabin. Vic was still on the porch, but he was sitting instead of standing. He was in one of the chairs by the table, one hand supporting his head, the other holding a book. He was reading my book that I had brought with me, his face showing that he was unable to pay attention to anything else.
I walked up onto the porch quietly, not wanting him to notice me. "So how's that book?" He looked up at me, startled at my presence. He put the book down, stood up, and wrapped his arms around me. I returned the hug happily, realizing how much I actually needed him.
