Finding Freedom | Kylo Ren X Reader

Chapter Six

You hid from him. You took yourself upstairs to your lonely bedroom that you had only spent one night in, and you hid from him. You had the teddy bear and both sets of ultrasound photos at your side. You cried, and you hid from him. You could feel your daughter kicking around inside of you as your body wracked with your sobs that evening, and when you heard his heavy footsteps ascending the stairs you tried your best to quiet yourself. You were sitting on the floor next to the bed so that if he opened your door he wouldn't be able to see you, and you were relieved when you heard him walk right past the door. You let out a sigh, hugging the pink teddy bear close to you. You knew you couldn't hide forever. You knew he'd find you. You knew you'd have to put your foot down and compromise with him eventually, but you knew it was going to be painful. You didn't want to have to say goodbye to Kylo or your daughter, but as the days went on it became painfully obvious that Kylo was probably going to make you choose one or the other. It was conflicting, especially when you heard him shout your name from the end of the hall.

You closed your eyes, balling yourself up as well as you could as you heard your door open. Kylo knew exactly where you were, and you wouldn't put it past him to have used the force to find you. You kept your eyes closed as tight as you could to stop the tears, but as you felt him step close then sink to the ground next to you you couldn't stop the floodgates from breaking open. What he had done hurt you more than anything ever had in your life. Just knowing he was there brought back the awful emotions that plagued you when you caught sight of the teddy bear in the trash. How could someone do such a thing?

"Hey." He said, but his soft tone wouldn't break you. You buried your face into the teddy bear and refused to even acknowledge his existence. There was more silence, until he reached behind you and placed his hand upon your back. You jumped, feeling as if he had slapped you across the face. He was trying to console you for something he had done. Something just wasn't right about this situation.

"Why, Kylo?" You asked him. You needed to know why he was so cruel to his own daughter. "Tell, tell me why you don't want our daughter?" His hand stopped stroking your back and you could feel him grow stiff there next to you.

"I do want our daughter," He said with a sigh. You had heard him beginning to talk, but you couldn't believe that he wanted to keep his child.

"Throwing the teddy bear that symbolizes her in the trash isn't wanting to keep her!" You said, throwing his arm off of you and scooting away from him. You leaned yourself against the wall, still facing him and burying your face into your arms. This was it. This was when Kylo was going to tell you it was either her or him. And you weren't prepared to have to choose.

"I've told you, I'm afraid." He explained, his voice hardening and faltering all at once. Here he was again with the strange defensiveness that you just couldn't explain.

"Afraid of being able to love a child that you created?" You asked him, finally gaining the courage to life your head. Kylo sat cross-legged staring at you. He was much more composed and, dare you say it, upbeat than he had been in the last few weeks. This was the most he had engaged you, and you were thankful that he was opening up to you finally. You only wished it would have come before he had so brutally ripped your heart right out of your chest and threw it away. "Kylo, I don't know how to explain it to you. It comes naturally. I feel like you're pushing us away because you're afraid, and that's not what you're supposed to do!" He sighed, hung his head and pushed some hair out of his face. His silence was not what you wanted to hear at the moment, so you continued to let out all of your stress; verbally frothing at the mouth about everything you had on your mind these last few weeks.

"I want to help you. I want to love you. I want you to love your daughter, but telling me that you're afraid of not loving her isn't enough for me, Kylo! I'm afraid you're going to make me choose. You're going to make me choose between loving you or loving my own daughter. I can't do that Kylo. You can't make me do something like that." He held his hand up to you, immediately halting your speech.