Benevolence

Chapter 19: Rupture

A storm is but a kaleidoscope of oceans screaming scared at their reflections.

"Lai!"

It's why I've garnered so much hate for rain showers and cold fronts...why I sometimes jump at the sound of water crashing in on dry land at the beach. Maybe because it's too symbolic of the inner turmoil I face on an everyday basis.

"Fuck Lai, what did you hear?"

Turns out--ruptured waves follow you wherever you go. And the worst kind...are the ones that ride the thunder.

"Sorry," I utter, clashing shoulders with an incoming student as I bustle out of the library. I don't even think to take another door. Instead, the urgency of my strides nearly licks him down and sends all my books crashing to the floor. I groan inwardly, scrambling to pick them up. Meanwhile, the scarf hanging loosely from my neck reaches down at my wrists as if begging me to stay put.

"Alaina!" I hear again.

"Young man," the Librarian at the front desk scolds. "Volume."

My impatience sends both ends of my scarf flying over my shoulders messily, as I grab at the books with shaky fingers. It's always been the mixture of anger and disbelief that sends me into flight mode. Only because it results in two things: Pain or regret after inflicting it.

Sneaking a glance over my shoulder, I see him silent-storming my way and pick up my pace. "Nope-- UhUh." I collect the books into a sloppy pile in my hands, and shoulder the door open, hurrying down the ramp. A breathless shriek parts my lips when I almost slip on black ice, but I recover just as quickly, continuing my streak across the parking lot. The fairy dust of rain that trickles from the sky dampens the bottom of my flats, softening the harsh swift sound of my feet, but a grave sense of dread creeps up my spine seeing the parking lot nearly empty. He'll be more likely to cause a scene.

I'm halfway towards my car when I hear my name—again.

"Alaina!...yo..." His calls die down to a stream of panicked mumbling.

Don't look back. He's only gonna try and dissuade you. You heard right. You heard what he said about you. I continue speed-walking to my car.

"Lai, what did you hear?!"

Of course, he wants to know, that way he can decide on crafting some ingenious excuse that will have me melting at the seams. I fumble to pull my keys from my pants pockets, hugging the books to my chest; and I swear I've never felt more relieved to hear the signifying chirp of my car doors unlocking. As soon as I get it open, I toss my books into the passenger seat.

"Lai—" I feel his touch at my arm.

"Don't fucking touch me," I fume, yanking away before he can yield it against me. What I just witnessed is waging war with my mind. Everything about it is raising red flags, and though a part of me doesn't want to believe it, I can't pretend to not notice them. Not this time. Not after what happened at David's during winter break and especially not after overhearing what I did.

"Ok," he says, hands flying up in surrender. "Aight you got it." His fierce light-brown eyes rake over my features.

I turn to jump in, but his hand is there pushing the door closed, the length of him now pressed into my back.

"Lai," he starts close to my ear. "I don't know what you heard in there, but it's not what you think, aight?"

I close my eyes, angry that his closeness is causing familiar emotions to swarm the pit of my stomach. He knows that's my weakness, that I always flex yet fail to maintain my strength as soon as things get physical. Desperate and frustrated, I go to open the door again, but he doesn't allow it.