Benevolence

Chapter 32: Sismance

I shouldn't be here. I should've sped home the moment this idea came to mind. I blame Bryan, for putting me in my place, for making me feel like the scum of the earth, and for defending someone other than me for the first time—ever. And I blame Sage for clearing the distortions from my head brought on by accumulated anger and pain, that same day we were at the burger joint. She brought it to my attention that Yazmine and I have both said some hurtful things to each other; and that it isn't worth losing a sister over. But Yazmine isn't the one standing outside of my door. I am—outside of hers. After having the last word, I've decided to be the bigger person. What I said to her at the bar, it was low. Even for me. And for that, I owe her an apology. Not through text, because she probably blocked me on all platforms, but a sincere, authentic, in-person, in-the-flesh, Alaina apology.

I worry my lips staring back at the door with her name plastered on it. I asked her sorority sisters to let me into the house less than ten minutes ago. They said she was locked up in her room, probably binge-watching Dear White People, blasting Lil' Kim, or completing a final. I can hear Coco Conners' voice even from out here. She's definitely free. Clearing my throat, I raise my hand to knock, but the door flies open before I even get a chance.

"You were supposed to knock 7 minutes ago," she says, crossing her arms.

I stare back at her, winded. "How did you kno--

--They texted the group chat," she says.

"...Of course."

"So, whatchu' want?" She asks.

"Aren't you gonna let me in first?" I smile but it feels more like a grimace. The last thing I want is for her sorority sisters to see me standing outside her door pouring my heart out.

"No," she says. "I wanna hear whatchu have to say."

"Right. Well, I wanted to...apologize for going off on you that night at the bar. I know I took things too far, bringing up your sister." I clear my throat. "It was uncalled for."

She looks down between us, pursing her lips, before muttering, "was it?" with a belittling tone.

I roll my tongue, reminding myself of why I'm here, and where her attitude is stemming from. "I also want to thank you," I say, biting at my cheek. She meets my eyes with a bit of a surprise. "For checking in on me, for trying to rewrite the past, and..." I pause, reconsidering how vulnerable I want to be in front of her. She quirks a brow and rolls her neck impatiently. "I miss you, Yazmine." Yes, I said it. "All beef aside. And you can laugh at me for sounding like a lovestruck wimp... But the truth is I should be standing outside your window right now, holding a speaker box above my head singing Brandy's Best Friend..." I smile with my eyes, trying to read her face. "Because you may be the complete opposite to me in terms of character, Yaz, but you're the missing half to my feminine. You're my Sis," I finish.

She stares back at me for a while, that hard, unreadable expression making me want to run back down the stairs and out of this house. I think she's doing it because she knows this isn't in my arena. Either way, I say no to the voice telling me to fuck it. I know the soft putty part of her is in there somewhere.

I pout my lips and fold my hands below my chin. "Do you accept my apology?"

She cracks a laugh, the shadow of a dimple appearing at her chin, and rolls her eyes. "You always been a hopeless romantic," she says, laughing softly. "I'll accept yah apology under two conditions." I nod, waiting for her to continue. "One: Accept my apology for bein' a narcissistic bitch... for not bein' there to support you sooner." She smiles regrettably. "And for causin' that accident between you and Bryan." She takes a deep breath. "I was bein' salty and shady. To be honest I was trynna convince myself that I don't need you. But I kept rememberin' what you told me Sophmore year. It's not only about the journey, but the people you take with you along the way... You my main bitch," she says.