One Night

AnnieMireya Theophilia James

*Sav's POV*

The night before we went to go see my baby girl was intense. Chris and I just laid in each other's arms all night, our thoughts on the child we were going to see tomorrow. I was anxious and scared and worried and nervous. Would she be ok? Born at four months, almost five, it had been a miracle she had even survived the crash and the birth. Would she be healthy? Would she have to live through a crippling disease or deformity because of my rash actions? God I was so stupid that night! What was I thinking? Driving how I did, in my condition, in the pouring rain, going that ridiculous speed. It was by the grace of God we both survived, especially her. I rolled onto my back. Would she be ok? Did I, in my rash actions and poorly thought and executed plans, mess up my daughter's future? Did I permanently ruin her life? God, I'd be the worse mother ever. Would I be an ok mom?

I sighed and got on my face, looking at Chris. His scruff was really coming in now. He seemed older. He started to look like he'd been through what he'd gone through. The sling had come off, but a firm patch and wrap was over his shoulder. I stared for a bit, and as if he could sense my eyes boring into his face, begging him to wake up so i coud speak with hims, his eyes fluttered opened and he blinked twice before he looked at me. 

"Can't sleep?" he asked, softly, his hand coming up to caress my face. I nodded, noticing how the moonlight shone on his lips, showing the chapped and busted parted things that told me they loved me and that we were going to be ok. 

"Yeah," I murmured. "I'm just scared." I was. I was afraid I had permanently screwed everything up. The guilt from what I'd done was starting to suffocate me and Chris was the only one who'd be able to remove the death grip from my throat, even if it was only for a little while. 

His brow furrowed. "Why?" 

"What if she's deformed or crippled because of me? What if I'm not good enough to be her mother? What if when she get's older and finds out what happened, she wouldn't want me to be her mom anymore? What if she dies because of me?" I voiced my fears. He rolled his eyes. 

"We wouldn't love her any less. She'd be more of a miracle then. Sav, it's going to be ok. If the time comes where she does find out, we'll explain everything to her to make her understand what we did for the reasons we did. She's going to be ok," he promised. He trailed his fingers down my cheek, stopping at my lips. His calloused fingers made them part. As if he couldn't help himself, he pecked them quickly before he held me to his chest. "It's going to be ok. We're going to be a family, a strong family." 

I nodded and cuddled closer to him, finally feeling fatigued enough to drift off to sleep. 

* 

The next morning, Alexander made breakfast for everyone. Kate had ended up spending the night. After Chris's proposal, they had popped up from behind the kitchen counter and awed. Then we spent the night celebrating before we all went to sleep. Kate took the couch while everyone else took the perspective bedrooms. Alexander made enough to feed a small army and Chris and Alexander demolished half of it themselves. Freaking pigs. Kate, Sam and I didn't even finished eating the half they left us and they were privileged to more food. Once they ate, I took a shower. 

I took my time, my nerves getting to me. As I washed my hair and body, I felt like I was meeting someone super important. Well she was. She was my daughter and I nearly killed her. I'm so grateful I didn't. God knows I didn't deserve her. I stood under the steaming shower head for a good ten more minutes before I decided I was finished and finally relinquished my time in the shower and crossed the hall to get dressed. Chris was still chatting with Alexander when I went into the room to change. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and I just sat on the bed.