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13,042 likes jennierubyjane Merci 💐 View all 78 comments
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𝐤𝐣𝐧.
"Mademoiselle, the show will about to start in fifteen minutes.."
"Good." Strutting down the aisle heading to the front row I flashed a smile to Rico, one of my trusted assistant. "Is everything ready? The models? Any last minute emergency? We'll fix it right away if there's any."
"None. Everything is good to go later."
"Perfect."
I waved at Lily when I notice her queueing for her turn on the final showcase.
With my chin held high strutting on the front row, everything around me seems vaguely normal. The ramp stage, big time celebrities and personalities at the front row. The limelight.
I've been living this kind of life for the past five years in my career in the fashion industry. Being appointed as the new head designer of Chanel brand, it's something really worth turning down all the other brands before.
Not to be being cocky, but I turn down Gucci's offer and signed an exclusive contract with Chanel. It may sound indifferent but it was for my personal reason and personal peace of mind.
It's not the brand itself but something connected to someone in the past. You may call it a cowardice but what choice do it left for my peace of mind?
It was my deep secret I buried a long time ago.
Someone once got a power to affect my whole life completely without trying to destroy me. Because even before he could, I'm on the verge of self destructing.
He has that power over me I couldn't even understand how it happened. Like by just breathing on the same event won't make me feel apeace.
I always, always find myself crying for no reason. That's the part I really hate the most.
Because the way his eyes lingers on that day Hanbin confessed to me, still hunts me. All the signs I refuse to believe that he might feel something for me.. I regretted I did not notice. Because I've been so stupid without me realizing.
Losing yourself over something you barely even aware of.
We've met a multiple times every year during Paris Fashion Week. And to be honest, it still bugs me how he ended up in the modeling industry but as far as I know he went to United States to take up his MBA.
And seeing Kim Jongin for the first time for so many years, clad in Gucci suit from head to toe, all the confidence I mastered for years in my career went back to zero.
His eyes, it hunted me for days after that Gucci event and it was me being impulsive and signed an exclusive contract with Chanel after his ambassadorship for Gucci Korea was announced.
"That guy is obviously not over you but the audacity of him to deny you two have been dating back in highschool I couldn't stand! All his songs, it's as if you were the one who wronged him! How dare that guy!"
I reached for my wine glass and poured a wine before slowly leaning back again to the bath tub and felt the softness of the bubbles relaxing my tired body. I glanced at my phone where Lisa's face registered. She's still in Korea although she's been musing Celine and attended PFW twice in a row.
"He's a celebrity now, Lis. I completely understand why he did that. It's for his fans.." I put back the wine glass back on the table next to me and throw my head back.
I stared on the white ceiling being illuminated with yellow lights. It's pretty. I smiled to myself before heaving a deep breath and closes my eyes.
"Do you know how everyone called you delusional for claiming you dated Hanbin before? His fans were even furious and so mad and planned to sabotage your arrival in Korea last year! And he didn't even do or even said anything to clarify their accusation! And for what?! Because he's still bitter!"
Reasonable enough because all those time we spent together, I lied that I was happy. I lied to him, I lied to myself. I lied to everyone else.
I lied that it didn't affect me knowing he's in a relationship with someone that is not me.
Or maybe it was crazy to even think for a moment, I felt that Jongim has feelings for me.
I hope he feel something because it's crazy to think all the possible reason why would he gave me that damn slushie. All those time he'd purposely went to our building to eat. I have so many question to ask that I don't have the confident to ask anymore.
I already lost the chance to ask when I chose to be with Hanbin. When I chose to what I believe was the right thing to do which is not to hurt Hanbin..
But in the end, I hurted him.
Gom se-mari-ga Han ji-be isseo Appa gom, omma gom, ae-gi gom
Appa go-meun tung tung hae Omma go-meun nal-shin-hae Ae-gi go-meun neo-moo ki-yeo-wo Eu-sseuk, eu-sseuk, jal-han-da
I woke up the next morning and felt more dizzy watching Lily carrying a big ass flower bouquet wrapped in black and baby pink design. She stopped on her track when she saw me carrying Nini my little slushie again.
"Oh, I really still hate that song. What do you call that? Gomsima?" She made an exaggerated effort to throw up.
I head straight to the kitchen in search for an empty vase.
"By the way, I saw some hottie outside earlier carrying this pretty bouquet of flower.. I tell you he is really so hot!" Her shrill made me even more dizzy so I chose to ignore her and paid attention to the flower.
Before flipping the note open, the bear printed in front completely captured my attention.
