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𝐤𝐣𝐧.
Truth is, I wasn't sure with my feelings anymore.
I've reach this point that even I, myself, starting to doubt my own feelings. I know I liked Hanbin. For years, I've always like him.
But today, I couldn't feel anything rather than being guilty over something that shouldn't matter to me. It shouldn't bother me.
So, what if it was him? Should I like him back because of that? Feelings doesn't work over night. It can't be possible I'm changing hearts just like that.
It's just a tiny little thing he gave to me, it's not that deep.
What is really something I felt guilty about? I should be happy. I'm one step closer to my happiness.. I'm one step closer to the guy I silently yearn for so long.
Plus I can't afford to let Hanbin down. I shouldn't fail him not when everyone is watching.. I don't want to cause a scene in my last year in highschool.
Neoneun nae chwihyangjeogyeok Nae chwihyangjeogyeok Malhaji anhado neukkimi wa Meoributeo balkkeutkkaji da
And there goes Hanbin wearing his purple coat. I pulled all my will to smile at him although I could feel the slight trembling of my lips.
My heart started to beat so fast and anxieties started kicking in.
Neoneun nae chwihyangjeogyeok Nan neoreul bomyeon Gajigo sipeoseo andari na Jagi jeonkkajido saenggagi na pow
Hanbin.. this is all too much. My lips parted as he drew more closer to where I'm standing. Jisoo and Lisa has this comical look with all the giggling sound of their voices. Chaeng remained mum and frowning at Hanbin, completely clueless to what is happening.
"I like you, Jen. Do you.. perhaps in a way.. just a tiny little bit though.." He chuckled nervously. "..like me too?"
I bit my lip and closes my eyes and by the time I open it I saw Kim Jongin in a far away distance looking to us.
His stares buried in me I could feel every fiber in me started to weaken. The way his eyes exude at a maximum intensity that tripled the fast beating inside my chest.
How could someone so far from everything I want feel so close to destroy everything I worked hard believing for years?
But damn, the way I want to run to him and hold him which is impossible and that I don't really understand.
How could he make me want to do that thing without even doing anything?
How could he affect me like that as if like we've been together for years.
Plus he doesn't even like me and I like Hanbin.
Now that Hanbin confesses his feeling, it'll be a happy ending for me.
I slowly lifted my gaze and met Hanbin's expectant eyes. "I.. like you too, Hanbin."
I did the right thing.
But why do it feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life?
Slowly, Hanbin's arms started to envelope me and God knows how I tried to hold back my tears but just like rain, it starter to pour unstoppably.
I gasped and watch Jongin's gaze fell to the ground. And with a one last gulp he turn his back on us and left.
I didn't why my heart aches watching him leave. Watching someone I barely know. I still don't understand.. I can't understand anymore what's wrong with me.
I want him to stay and say something for me as I buy more time to think things clearly.
I want him but I shouldn't.
"I knew you two would end up together but wow.. you guys really did end up together.." Jisoo gasped in awe staring Hanbin and I.
"Happy relationship to the both of you!" Lisa hugged me and winked at Hanbin.
It was I thought was the right thing to do but it was too late when I realize it wasn't.
"Have you heard the news?"
"Ne."
"Soojung is really dating that guy Kim Jongin?"
"No words. Soojung is too good to be true. Don't you think he's overrrated for her liking? I mean, I'd be happy if Soojung ended up with Suho but Jongin.. I don't feel they matched with each other."
"Nah. But don't you think they both look so hot together?"
"Yes, me too. I find them hot too."
"What do you think, Jen?" Jisoo elbowed me that quiet startled me a bit.
"H-huh?"
"What do you think about Jongin and Soojung together?" She asked.
"Uh, p-perfect match?" I tried to laugh but failed to do so.
"You think so? But nah. You and Hanbin way looks more perfect together.." Lisa winked at me.
But there was no such thing as perfect in this world. If nobody is perfect, no relationship is perfect too.
Sometimes, things are perfect at the beginning until we got a taste of l imperfections that's when we thought it wouldn't last.
Hanbin and I eventually broke up. I went to France and pursued my dreams.
Years may passed by, but the litte slushie bear remains by my side.
