Dirty Little Secret

Journal Entry- No Regrets

I got suspended. The big s-u-s-p-e-n-d-e-d. Being suspended for some kids is no big deal. For me, of course, it is. I could have just ruined my whole career. I could've just ruined my whole damn life.

Mom is beyond angry. She's way beyond the point of rage. Her face when she walked into the office, displayed absolute fury. Her face was all red and she dragged me by my t-shirt. She was so mad and still is. She doesn't even want to look at me right now, so here I sit, locked in my tiny bedroom, writing in this damn journal again.

Now that I think about it, maybe being suspended isn't all that bad. I can sit and relax, stay away from social interaction, and not have to worry about anything going wrong. If I can't be around anyone, how will I think about killing them?

No, no, that won't work. How could have I been to think that? Ever since Terra and the... mishap, I can't stop thinking about it.

Me stabbing her, blood splattering everywhere. The blood of the innocent. The blood of a nasty whore. How stupid could she be thinking I'd sleep with her? I would never sleep with her. Well, I take that back. I would sleep with her if it includes her death at the end. I don't want any ordinary death either. I want it painful so I can hear her screams.

The screams of the innocent, music to my ears.

The screams of the innocent, something I've been longing to hear. I want to dance to the beautiful sounds as I stab them multiple times. I want to laugh at the precious sound so they know I enjoyed every second of it. I want them to know I fully intended to murder them.

No, no, no... I never meant to write that. That was supposed to stay in my head.

Scratch that- I didn't want to write that either.

I feel like I can't even write my own thoughts in this journal now. I can't write down how I feel. I keep thinking that some bitch is going to come up to me and snatch my stuff. If they read this, would they send me to an asylum? Y'know, for crazy people?

I'm not crazy though, so they couldn't send me.

If they read my journal, boy would they have it coming. Nobody and I mean NOBODY, will ever read this. Ever. If someone did, they wouldn't exist anymore. They'd just be one less human of the planet. Poof.

One less person to deal with, one less person to give money to, one less person to worry about, one less waste of space in the world. Is that how everyone views people dying? If it's not, there's something wrong with the world.

...Or, there's something wrong with me.

Hah, I'm perfectly fine. I am the smartest kid in my school.

Or, everyone is dumb.

No, I'm smart. I don't need to worry about it. I am smart.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I don't regret beating up Cooper. He deserved it. Next time, I'll make sure he's in worse shape. Next time, maybe there'll be one less person on earth.

Joseph