Once Upon a Time: True Stories of an Aspiring Writer

16: Diaries of a Theatre Geek

I'D KIND OF ALWAYS LIKED TO SING. It wasn't something I really pursued, although sometimes I wondered if I should. Still, I performed in many shows throughout childhood to the point where I thought that performing was one of my hobbies. My performing period peaked in middle school, but was around throughout much of my childhood. 

When celebrities write their memoirs, there is almost always a chapter on their theatre experiences. I am a writer, not an actress, nor am I famous. But for a while I really enjoyed the stage and thus, here is the obligatory acting chapter.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL: GENERIC THEATRE INC. 
Since the Quaker school is pretty small, we don't have a band, or orchestra. Music concerts are singing-based. 

The music teacher decides the theme; other times, they come from elementary music books. The whole group sings two songs, an intro and a finale. Grade levels also split up to sing their own song, and then both classes in that grade sing a song as well. It's a predictable formula that works year after year.

In kindergarten, we learn typical children's songs. One of them that stood out is "Teddy Bear Picnic." The lyrics are riveting. "Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn ah-rou-ound, Teddy bear, teddy bear, touch the ground!" Songs that only a parent can love. We practice for a long time and even have dress rehearsals. 

The fates have other plans. On the night of our show in February, a snowstorm hits and I am not able to make it to the show safely. We turn around and head home. "I didn't want to go anyway!" I tell my parents.

In the years that follow, I redeem myself. In fourth grade we do a Broadway-themed show where each class has their own songs to sing. The guys and girls duke it out in a rendition of "Anything You Can Do." Unfortunately, we get a little off track with this one during the actual show. Then we watch the other fourth grade class sing a song from Peter Pan. 

The best show, though, is "We Haz Jazz!" in fifth grade. No, this is not a show about cheeseburger-loving cats playing the piano...this predates that meme by several years. I actually get a humorous line, which is funny for reasons I don't understand. 

For this show, sometimes we have rehearsals at recess in which all the kids with lines  stop for ten minutes to practice saying them. Although it's only one sentence, I recite it to myself in my head constantly, and I do so at least 15 times while brushing my teeth in the morning of our first makeshift "rehearsal." I want to get it right.

We spread ourselves on the hill and go through lines. I say mine, somewhat smoothly.

 "Is that your line, Morgan?" I nod...of course it is! Why wouldn't she know that? She's the music teacher. "Keep working on it." 

I can't even get one sentence right. I certainly feel for Christine, who opted for more lines in the show (she played Ella Fitzgerald in a brief skit before we went into another song). When we go to lunch and I tell her about my decision to only have one line, so I could stress less and focus on homework, she agrees with me and regrets her own choice. 

Now, it's not like I can't memorize. My sister Kelly and I have been very fond of a certain Looney Tunes short recently. "Duck Amuck" features the mishaps of Daffy Duck as he struggles to cope with random scenery and prop changes that aren't in his favor only to find that Bugs Bunny is the one intentionally making his life difficult behind the scenes.  We have watched it so many times that we know all the words--and have once recited them, too, on a walk with our parents. 

Somehow, plays are different. There's more pressure to remember the words. We're in front of many people. And nothing bad happens if we can't remember a line of Daffy's while taking a walk. Fortunately, I remind myself, I only have one line. It could be worse.