Once Upon a Time: True Stories of an Aspiring Writer

Childhood Writings: The Office Assistants

Written here is one of the exact stories that I dreamed up in a fifth grade meeting for worship one day. I wrote it down days later and it hasn't been changed since. This is a story in its purest form, written down exactly how it happened days/weeks/months (but not too many) after it happened, never altered! Have questions about the characters? Google is your friend. Look up the old Greetings Workshop program and find a picture of the main menu to give an idea of what the control room looked like in my mind. I should also mention this is the second story here where a character gets blown up. This is of no particular significance.

One day behind the scenes of Microsoft Word 2003, Rocky was working the controls. When you click on a command in the program, Rocky is the one who makes it work. 

So Rocky was getting a new font when the controls got all messed up. At that moment, Clippit came in.

"What's up?" questioned Clippit.

"The controls got messed up," explained Rocky.

"We need a computer whiz," Clippit replied.

"The Dot is really good," said Rocky. "Earth to The Dot. Come in, The Dot." 

So The Dot came in. "What do you want? he asked.

"We need to fix the controls," Clippit said. "We can't change the font. The typist has picked Comic Sans MS, you see. We can't stay on Times New Roman forever."

"Times New Roman is boring," agreed Rocky.

Just then, The Dot had a great idea.

"Hey! I know who can fix this!" he cried.

"Who?" the other Office Assistants questioned.

"This is my best idea ever!" cried The Dot. "Wow! I bet Peedy has even never---"

"Just tell us who, for crying out loud!" said Rocky.

"The Genius, of course," said The Dot.

"He does have great ideas," Clippit said.

"Earth to The Genius," Rocky said. "Come in, The Genius."

So The Genius came in. "Let me guess," said The Genius. "The controls got messed up and you want me to help fix them."

"WRONG," said Clippit.

"No, he's wrong. You are right," said Rocky. The Genius glared at Clippit.

So then The Genius started trying to fix the controls. After a while, Rocky heard a "Shut up!" A few moments later, Rocky heard "I said shut up!" So Rocky went in the room to investigate. When he got there, he found The Genius shouting at the controls. "Are the controls not working?" asked Rocky.

"Yes, but I have an idea," The Genius replied. "We can insert a font floppy disk."

"I'll go get it!" said Clippit. All the Office Assistants were glad that they finally found a way to fix the font. But as soon as Clippit got the floppy disk, they opened the floppy disk area on the machine. "Hey! There is no area for a floppy disk! We lost it!" cried Clippit. He got so mad.....BLAM!!!!!!!

Pieces of Clippit were all over the floor.

****

After Clippit exploded, the Office Assistants came up with another plan. "We need a special goo," said The Dot. "Then we will make the shape of the floppy disk into the disk area." 

"But where will we get the goo?" questioned The Genius. "I know! We will ask Office Logo to make it!" said Rocky. "O-kay," replied the other two.

"Earth to Office Logo," said Rocky. "Come in, Office Logo." In an instant, Office Logo was in the room. "We need you to make us goo for a floppy disk area," Rocky said. So the Office Logo began to make the goo. He did the animation where he twirled up so the pieces twisted. It totally looked like real goo on the computer screen but it was not. However, behind the scenes, it was real goo. So after the goo was made, Rocky took it out. The goo was no longer a part of Office Logo.

"Way to go, yo dude!" said The Dot. "Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh--"

"No!" said Rocky. "What?" questioned Office Logo. "Guess who is back in the room," Rocky groaned. A way too familiar, really dumb, stupid, idiotic paper clip was standing in front of all of them. "Hey, I'm back!" said Clippit.

"Aw, man!" complained The Dot.

"Didn't anybody miss me?" questioned Clippit.

"No," said Rocky, "By the way, where in the world were you?"

"After you exploded, he means," said The Genius.

"Ha ha!" laughed Clippit. "I played a trick on you. I did not explode! I went on screen because the typist picked me to be on screen!" "Who would want to pick you?" questioned The Genius. 

"Everybody, Mr. Dumb!" shouted Clippit. "I do not know Mr. Dumb," said The Genius.

So the Office Assistants came up with a plan to get back at Clippit. "Let's play a trick on him," suggested Rocky. "This is boring," said Office Logo. "He will get really mad, and then try to put us in Punishment Corner." 10 minutes later, they were still discussing this when The Dot got an idea.

"Hey guys, I just got this amazing idea," he said. "Why don't we continue fixing the font?" "That is a good idea," said Rocky. So they went back to the controls when all of a sudden...

"It's getting darker in here," Clippit said. "You don't suppose..."

"THE TYPIST IS TURNING OFF THE COMPUTER!!!!" they all screamed.

***

About 20 minutes later, the computer and Microsoft Word came back on. "Welcome back," said The Genius. "Nice to see all of you," said Clippit. 

"Anyway, what was that all about?" questioned Clippit.

"Maybe he thought Microsoft Word was not working because of the font," thought The Dot.

"Yes, that's it," said Rocky.

Just then, Clippit looked out the doorway area and saw Peedy, Links, and Merlin coming toward the room. "They are trying to get into our business!" cried Clippit. "Close the door!" "There is no door," informed Office Logo. "The Dot, do your stuff."

So The Dot did the animation where he turned into a picture, and went in front of the door so they could not get in. "Help! They are banging on me!" he cried. "Just hold up," said Office Logo.

"Whatever," The Dot sighed. He did.

"Oh, those idiots, trying to nose into our business!" cried Clippit.

Then The Genius got a brainstorm. "Merlin could fix it!" he cried. "He can do anything!" All the Office Assistants were hating themselves for not coming up with this idea.

"Merlin!" The Dot called.

1 HOUR LATER...

All the Office Assistants were working on fonts. It now worked, thanks to Merlin and The Genius.

"The typist wants Georgia!" Office Logo reported. "Hooray! It works!" everyone cried when it appeared on screen. And now all the Office Assistants were happy.

Second author's note: Merlin was able to fix the font, presumably, because he was a wizard with a wand. And can't magic fix anything? The "floppy disk" that Office Logo was making was like a CD disk drive. And The Dot was standing in front of an empty doorway rather than a door, and I assume that he was trying to stop them from getting in because they didn't want to admit they broke something and are fixing it. I could have edited these details in, but why mess with history?