Once Upon a Time: True Stories of an Aspiring Writer

25: Much Ado About Nothing: The Ben Reconnection

HALLOWEEN IN 2012 was weird. 

For one thing, I was disappointed when I got up that morning of the 31st and saw that nobody was wearing costumes to class. The exception was one girl in my sociology course who was wearing a black robe, though I forget what the costume was. 

For another, I had to spent my evening learning. I had my Religion in America class that night. So I sucked it up and put on my Minnie Mouse dress for class. Not the ears. Instead of feeling festive, I mostly just felt strange and awkward. 

Not that we hadn't celebrated Halloween. Local kids had come to trick or treat in the dorm halls, and that had been a blast. My favorite part of Halloween has always been the costumes and trick-or-treating. 

But something else was happening that was appropriately scary, and usurped the holiday that year. I may have been dressed as Minnie Mouse, but in reality, I had accidentally pretended to be someone else just days ago. And it paid off. In fact, I was beginning to think I'd taken on someone else's life. 

***

I had emailed Ben throughout my high school career after Ty passed me his email address. When you're in an environment with all girls, and when nobody from visiting boys' schools wants to talk to you, you don't have many options, or distractions. Besides, I missed them. I wanted to be friends. I might not have been able to say that stuff to his face, but I could do it over emails. 

Facebook was just taking off as I entered high school, and I even got an account myself. Kennedy, a campmate at social camp that year, had convinced me to join. He didn't have Facebook though, and I resorted to looking up his friends' profiles to get some more information, as well as his school's website. 

Apparently playing the lead in Seussical inspired them to do more acting. They were on the staff of a play called Rumors and acted in productions of Grease, West Side Story, and Pippin (where they dressed in heavy, colorful clown makeup...those photos haunted my dreams for months). Every time they acted in something I deemed interesting, I would buy the movie. If it weren't for them, I probably still wouldn't have seen Grease, so I owe that to them at least.

Sometimes their school, or mother, uploaded videos of him performing. She was my first favorite YouTuber. Hearing his voice again made me both excited and super-anxious to see him again...especially after a particular Grease video, in which he sang a duet with who I thought was an ugly actress with large spectacles, braids, and plaid pants. They sang about how much they loved each other and even hugged in the end. I wanted to throw up. 

But checking the Internet for news about them was addicting. I was pissed I couldn't get to him or see him in a play--- curse you, boarding school. All I could do was send him trillions of emails which he ignored. And watch the videos. And save pictures of him to my computer, which I made into my screensaver. This I did for four years of high school.

But perhaps the most real threat was Serena, who inspired me to do the worst thing I've ever done as a human being. She was a thespian friend that clearly hung out in his social group (and once was in a play with Roger), and once had the nerve to put his arm around her in a picture of them. That simply could not be done.

 So one night, in a 1AM fit of rage, I emailed Serena, saying all sorts of nasty things about how Ben wasn't hers and she had no right to take him. Of course I was too cowardly to read them. The drama ended on an anticlimactic note, because I am just not cut out for that sort of thing. Even after I apologized, I had Danielle log in to my account and read Serena's response, which was short and friendly and very accepting of the apology that my 1AM fit of rage did not deserve. I must have been the talk of that graduating class for a while.