Insanity

Chapter 5

***Short Chapter***

After my quick walk home, I collapsed on my bed. The events from not even an hour ago all swam in my head. First of all, who told him my name? and why did he want to know it? So many questions and so little answers. My mind drifts towards the image of his face and the closeness of his body to mine. My body involuntarily shivers.

How can I guy I don't even know have this effect on me? Maybe I'm just desperate. I still have that Party tomorrow night with Dalton. I wonder if Aaron will be there, but then again why should I care? He is likely a bad influence, for crying out loud he offered me a joint to share with him. A complete stranger at that!

I don't dwell too long on the thought and decide to take a nap before my luxurious ramen dinner. I don't feel like dealing with people for the rest of the day so no cafeteria for me. It doesn't take me long before I welcome the sweet darkness.

I should've set an alarm! It's already 9 pm and there's no way I'm going to fall back asleep now.

Why do I do this to myself? I think to myself. I get up to make my ramen and to decide how I'll be spending the rest of my night. I mean it is Friday, I have Netflix and alcohol. I might as well have a nice relaxing evening.

it doesn't take me long to start feeling a buzz, and then it hits me. I am lonely, far from home and harboring an immense amount of toxicity in my heart. I can't help but think back to home. I left for many reasons. I didn't just choose to move across the country for college. There were so many factors that drove me 3,000 miles away.

My mother was a main factor, she loves me but my lord she is too much. She wouldn't let me do a thing without breathing down my neck. So much that I basically became a recluse. I only saw my friends at school. I couldn't even text because I wasn't allowed a phone. I didn't get around that my senior year though, one of my friends gave me her old phone and I was able to connect to Wi-Fi occasionally. It was my downfall.

Being so sheltered and innocent leaves you open and vulnerable to any predator looking for its prey. I was so young, naïve and desperate to feel wanted that I went looking for it in all the wrong places. I lied when I said there wasn't a single soul that was interested in me. There was one. He changed me and destroyed me in ways I don't think ill ever recover.

I can't stop the inevitable sobs coming out of me. Lord, why am I so emotional. It's over, everything is done with and I still can't stop thinking about it. I want to move on and live my life without these intrusive thoughts popping in whenever they want.

I drink more alcohol in the hopes to numb my pain. But it doesn't work. I feel like I'm suffocating in my own thoughts and I start to feel my whole body tingling. I don't put much thought into my actions and throw a jacket over my torso, grab a small purse and put a small bottle of rum in it.

I walk towards the trail; I want to sit by the creek and let the calmness envelop me. I want to forget but being in my room feels like the four walls are caving onto me. I don't plan on getting wasted, I still need to get back to my room. I just need enough to forget.

It doesn't take me long to reach the creek. The night is still and calm. The low sound of the water flowing instantly calms me, I sit by the creek and take my bottle out. I look up at the sky and for the first time here, I really notice how beautiful the stars look. I see swirls of colors and stars shining so far away. I've never seen anything like this back in California, there's too much light pollution.

I'm so caught up in my own thoughts and looking up at the stars that I don't hear the rustling and voices coming around until they're right behind me. I immediately tense up. Oh geez, this was a stupid idea, a stupid drunk girl out by herself in a dark trail.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hear a cold voice say so close behind me that I can almost taste their breath.

"What's it look like? I'm trying to enjoy my night without someone interrupting," I say trying to sound confident but instead my voice barely croaks out. I turn my head to see Aaron glaring at me. He whispers something to his friends, and they take off.

"I'm taking you home," He says. I can feel the anger behind every word that he says. I shake my head.

"Nope, perfectly fine here," I tell him. No way I'm letting him take me home, I'll embarrass the shit out of myself.

"I wasn't asking sweet cheeks," he says as he grabs me by the arm and pulls me up. I stumble on to him.

"Fine, I'll take MYSELF home. I don't need a babysitter to take me" I state. But he doesn't listen, he continues to pull me.

"What dorms are you in?" He asks me. I stay silent, I don't know if telling him where I live is a good idea.

"Come one, I'm just going to take you home. It was stupid of you to come out here alone and drunk" He hisses at me. I look up at him and sigh.

"Fine, I'm in the west dorms," I finally tell him. He gives me a weird look,

"That's quite a way, why'd you come all the way here!?" He asks surprised.

"I don't know," I tell him. He doesn't try to pry for more information and I'm thankful for that. We walk towards my dorm and he is still holding on to me. For a weird reason, I don't mind. I almost feel secure in the grasp of this stranger. It only takes us about 30 minutes to get to my dorm building.

I almost don't want him to leave after he drops me off, he didn't even say a word. He just made sure I went in and left. Well, I guess that's the first and last time I go out like that. I'm not usually that reckless but I felt so alone and overwhelmed.

I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I just hope I can sleep, my buzz is gone and I've never felt more sober.