To be or Not to be

My life.

Okay guys so... This is chapter 100... And for this... I'm gonna go deep for all that this book may and may not have been filled with up to now... And for this chapter, I'm going to just... Talk. Take it all like it's from the start...

I'm Emma.
I live in Denmark.
My parents got me when my mom was 20 and my dad 21. They were drunk when I got created.
They stayed together in 2 years for me. But they yelled all the time and kept breaking up and getting back together.
When I was 2 they officially broke up the last time.
My dad had a lot of girlfriends in a year but then he met someone named... Let's call her X.
They got married shortly after, she already had two daughters on her own with another man.
I was a very difficult child because my mom gave me anything I wanted even when she didn't have money, and home at my dad I was the hated child.
I grew up only keeping myself to one friend at a time and then a few I just hang out with. So in all kindergarden I kinda got used to be beaten up all the time by the older kids until they started school.
Then I started school and it all just went down.
I had big front teeth and didn't speak much, so I was an easy target.
I got bullied every day and started gaining weight because I got signs of puberty at the age 7 and I ate more than my body was ready for.
Then I got strongly bullied by the older kids, got locked into closets so I got late to class, got beaten, got food thrown at me and more things. And we're talking 16 years olds and I was 7.
I never said anything to anyone, cause what should I do? Go to the grown ups? Even the grown ups, like teachers, bullied the "not perfect" kids.
I just went with it all...
That went on for 3 more years before my parents found out.
Then I moved school, and right from the start I was an outcast. Luckily I didn't really get bullied I was just very left out and no one really talked to me...
Then I started talking to a a girl named Nanna. It worked fine but I don't feel like I could really talk to her at all.
I drifted away from her and turned pretty lonely (again) and by the time a guy named Tim had started at my school and he started bullying me... A bit time went like that and then some time later a guy from my old school started at my new school. (Let's just call him A)
And I didn't talk to him cause da hell fuck him he came back just fuck the fuck off.
And then another dude from my old school appeared magically too and I was ready to fucking kill some cause fuck them right up anus.
I didn't really talk to him either cause I used to actually have a crush on him and maybe still had a bit...
Then we started taking the bus together and we just started talking.
We kept on like that and got best friends.
Then I started talking with his ex (fie. But they were together for a few days and she just fucking was all "fuck him" to me and her friend and I was just there like "uh yeah I don't think he meant it that way". Then we got lost in the wood we were in her, me and this really cool girl named Sascha that I didn't really knew anything about. And I was really weird and I put us into a movie.)
And I just got ok close to her and small talked with Sascha when it was random moments... I then started noticing a girl in my class who I hadn't noticed before because she's very quiet, but I found her through her amazing drawings.
I began talking to her a lot too. So I had two friends. Her and Fie. I had never tried that before. Being so close to anyone in my life was in general new to me.
I started talking to Sascha and idk I just was so... Nervous about her? Like, she was funny, quite sweet (or... I think she is because even if she looked very bold to others I could see it was a wall and since then I've felt a need to protect her from everyone... Even myself...)
I even remember first time I asked her if we could hang out that day... I NEEDED TO PASS A NOTE BC I WAS SO NERVOUS!!!!!
Then a girl named Ditte just kinda joined our little group of outcasts (I think we were pretty much the outcasts and I'm proud cause they are fucking cool.)
Then it went good I guess... If you looked away from the fact of my suicide attempt and depression and cutting and writing with people like me and getting forced to live at my dad. And that I went to psychology for years....
Then I fucked up. Badly. I found out one of my friends (a girl) had fallen in love with me, I still liked victor, at a stupid I made a fake Facebook account and fucked Sascha up, Ditte didn't trust me anymore, and Fie didn't really trust me for a period+I felt a need to tell people I was bisexual (now my mom know and a few of other people...)
And then I moved school again. After a bit time I just went in there and got "friends" that aren't my real friends.... I thought they were so I told them about my life and then they told my teacher everything and I went through all the things I already had solved at psychology.
That's kinda over now but now I just don't have any friends except for when I talk to Fie on the Phone or a girl named Mia. And I have one real friend that I see a lot named Anne-Louise. Sascha has kinda forgiven me and I'm glad for that but I understand that she can never forget and fully forgive.
And I kinda have a friend named Mathias but he's kinda creepy cause I know his sister and I like talking to her and then he was just all "YOU KNOW MY SISTER WHUUUUUT"

Listen to the song watch me bleed by scary kids scaring kids. And a warrior by Demi Lovato. And the last thing is from today so... This is the last... I'm going to "sleep" now (that means stare into the wall until it's morning.) bye. Listen to the song at the top<3 (+i dont like victor anymore)