Between the Pages

Chapter 6 - Ben

"Take a seat, Attie, I'll just be a moment," I told her with a small smile, going into my bedroom. I peeled off my now stained sweater and tossed it into the hamper, sighing loudly. I rummaged through my closet and picked out a light grey button up, shrugging it on and absentmindedly doing it up. Changing out of my jeans and into my work pants, I studied myself in the mirror for a moment. I fixed my hair, and ran my hand along my stubbly chin.

I look professional enough I guess. God why did I have to embarrass myself like that...

I mentally slapped myself for spilling coffee all over my damn self. I wasn't a teenager anymore so why do I act like a brainless fool whenever I'm around this woman? I shook myself, attempting to do up my cuffs as I made my way out of the room, not wanting to leave her waiting for much longer. I swung the door open, and found myself far too close to Attie. She stared ahead into my chest for a moment, then straightened up and smiled awkwardly.

"Oh uh hello there," she said weakly, blushing and stepping back.

Assuming she was studying the page framed on my door, I said "It's a page from an ancient book retelling one of the Greek myths, I got it when I visited Greece for one of my study abroad sessions." I continued to struggle with these damn tiny buttons as I spoke. She saw this, and giggled.

"Can I help you with that?" She asked, looking up at me with a wry smile.

"Oh uh thank you," I responded quietly. I held out my wrist, and I tried not to stare as she did them up with little effort. I felt my cheeks heat up and I prayed she didn't notice.

"There. Much better," she finished, patting my hand and grinning up at me.

"Yes, thank you," I smiled back. I found myself looking at her intently, studying her slim face and those addicting dark eyes. She looked back, and I wondered if she was doing the same to me.

Ben this is very unprofessional, you know.

Finally, she was the one to break the moment.

"Maybe we should drink our coffee before it gets cold?" She suggested shyly.

"O-oh yes good idea!" I said far too loudly, also moving toward the kitchen a bit too swiftly.

I handed her the cup labeled with a small white heart (thanks Poe) as well as her paper bag, and took my own. We sat at my breakfast bar, eating and drinking and making small talk. She told me about her family's legacy of great women, her studies at the university, and her excitement for her new TA position. I loved watching her talk excitedly about everything, and the way she never seemed to stop smiling. Her hair often flopped into her face as she spoke, and I fought the urge to fix it for her.

"I like your apartment," she told me, spinning around her stool to look around.

"Thank you. Some people think it's a little bland," I chuckled, doing the same and leaning my arms against the counter.

"It's very clean, and it's your own style, so who can fault you for that?" she replied, beaming up at me. "Mine is really old, it seems like the type of place someone would describe as 'retro' to be polite," she giggled, "I wish I could keep my apartment this clean, everything is all mismatched and there are books everywhere."

I suddenly found myself picturing her in my living room, multi-coloured pillows and decorations now littering the space, and stacks of old books scattered everywhere. I found myself welcoming the chaos.

"What time is your shift today?" She asked me suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Oh not till 4:00," I replied, glancing at my watch. It's already 2:30...

"Um... Attie?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't like having to say this, because it makes me feel...wrong, but it may be best not to mention any of this to Jo," I told her, frowning and rubbing the back of my neck uncomfortably.

"Oh. Yes. Good idea," she said with a giggle after a moment, "She doesn't seem like the type to encourage this kind of behaviour. She 'suggested' I wear exclusively skirts and dresses to work in the email. Is that even legal?"

I laughed.

"No it's not. I don't know if she heard the news that the government has allowed women to wear pants for a few decades now."

She giggled at this, adjusting her skirt absentmindedly.

"If she gives you any trouble just tell me, I'm used to dealing with her so I can usually help when she gets unreasonable," I told her with a smile.

"Thank you, Ben," she replied, beaming up at me. Her smile seemed to light up the room at that moment, and I couldn't resist smiling back at her.

"We, uh, we should probably get going if we don't want to be late," I told her, attempting not to stare at her. She agreed, gathering her things and following me back out the door. I led her down to the parking garage, pointing at the small red electric car towards the back of the garage.

"That's mine," I said, leading her in that direction. She unsuccessfully stifled a laugh.

"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing nothing, it's just not... what I was expecting from you," she said, attempting to suppress a smile by scrunching up her face.

"What's wrong with my car?" I said, realizing I was borderline whining and hating myself for it.

"There's nothing wrong with it, it's very eco friendly and a smart investment," she teased, bumping my arm, "I would just like to see you fit in that thing."

I jokingly glared at her, opening the door and throwing my stuff into the backseat before sliding smoothly into my seat. She rolled her eyes and laughed, getting in with much less bravado and much easier than myself. We gave each other jokingly instigative looks, then both started laughing.

"I'm sorry, the car was an easy target," she smirked, giving me a wry smile.

"It's fine its not the first time I've heard it," I chuckled, "But people usually quiet down when they see me in it."

"Ah yes nothing more terrifying than the giant librarian," she laughed. We continued to joke and laugh as I pulled out of the parking garage and made our way to the library. As we saw the tall building come into view in the city skyline, her face suddenly scrunched up in thought.

"Are you okay?" I asked, seeing her become perturbed.

"Maybe I should get out here. I don't want to get you in trouble..."

"Oh uh are you sure? I don't want to make you walk a couple blocks to the library," I replied with a frown.

"I'm fine to walk, it's a beautiful day out. Thank you so much for your help Ben," she smiled as I pulled over.

"My pleasure. I'll see you at the library then?" I replied with a soft smile.

"I'll see you soon," she smiled back, taking her bag and stepping onto the sidewalk. I lingered for a moment as I saw her walk away, feeling guilty for letting her go. I sighed, pulling away from the sidewalk and returning to the route I had taken to the library everyday. I honked and gave her a small wave as I passed, and she waved back enthusiastically. I felt my face get hot as I looked at her in my rear view mirror, her hair blowing lightly in the fall wind and her dark eyes shining in the sunlight. She was so beautiful, and the more I thought of her the more I found myself falling.

I needed this woman in my life more. And this terrified me.