Understanding

Part 1

Everyone became distant to me and him at first. They acted as if they never saw it coming. Hell, I'm part of it and I saw it coming. We had an obsession with one another. I was always watching him, staying close to him to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid, and yeah. Maybe I did like being near him, even if all I received in return was harsh glares and spiteful words. It doesn't change the fact that he was always trying to impress me. So yeah. Maybe we were rivals, quick to tear the other down in any way at any point in time. Maybe our fights turned physical a few too many times and maybe we clashed far too much. But I have never met someone who is so much like me in the core. He is loyal and strong and he cares about the people around him. Without them, he wouldn't be able to do what he has done, even if it was evil. I am the same way. Without my friends, I never would have stepped up to take him down again. And again and again. Without my friends, I never would have known I had it in me. And every time he talks about the war, I know he feels that too. He was always underestimated, and he was always underestimating himself. I know what that feels like. And I remember when it first came out and when we first started seeing one another, our insecurities were always a huge topic because neither of us felt worthy enough. And he said to me "let me love you and show you what I see until you can love yourself. And then we will both love you." And he kissed me and I cried in his arms. No one had ever held me like that. He was the only one to see the damage this life had done to me. I barely even trusted him at the time, and yet I trusted him with my life.  And I knew that I would do the same for him. I knew I would love him through everything and I knew that I had to get him to see what I saw.

My insecurities stem from my past. Sure, I am courageous but that doesn't mean I expect to win every battle I go into. In fact, I hardly ever remain hopeful. My luck has never been the best. My parents died and I ended up in a hellish home where I was never wanted. I became a maid and slave for the only people I had blood relations to. And every year at my only haven something terrible always happened and I always had to be the one to fix it. I never got to have a childhood, and I know he didn't either. Sure, he was kept in his home, but that doesn't mean he was loved. He was a legacy, that's it. He was never anything more than his name. Still, his insecurities stem from the horrible things he has pinned to him. Even if he didn't do them, anything his father ever did is on him too. People look at him like he is tainted blood, filthy. He used to look at them that way. He is far more gentle, now. Still feared, but that will never change. War or not, he was top of the school from year one. 

A few people have come around to the idea of him and I. The ones that matter have accepted us and continue to treat both of us like the humans we are deep down. Because sometimes we both need to be reminded that we are human and humans make mistakes. Some of these people act like because we are legacies, we aren't allowed to make mistakes or even have emotions. His followers believed he was going soft and mine believed I was going to the dark side and forsaking them. As if we are some Gods. I can't live up to that title. And even though his mind and body never cease to amaze me, he is no god either. 

I think right here is where I feel safest. It's very domestic but at the kitchen bar with my head bobbing as I drift in and out of sleep and him in his gray sweats low on his hips and his lips humming some song from the radio is where I feel like I belong in this very moment. After so much fighting and loss, I feel like I deserve this little piece of heaven. He slides a warm mug my way and the orange-cinnamon tea scent fills my nostrils. Of course, it has three sugars because of my cavity-ridden sweet tooth. This little house which somehow has enough space to hold an army is nowhere to be found on any map and it makes me smile. They only people who could find this place are those with good intentions who are looking for it. Perks of being the ministry's favorite at the moment.

"Penny for your thoughts?" His small smile holds worry. Yes, I believe I'm the lucky one to have him. And we are both lucky he was pardoned. My hand instinctively travels to his. I almost want to flip his arm over, but instead, I play with his fingers.

"Can we stay home today?" I ask him, avoiding his question.

"Aren't Teddy and Scorpius coming back?" He asks and I smile. Our boys are supposed to be coming home from their grandma's, Andromeda. She was kind enough to take them for the weekend to give us a break from the toddlers. Teddy, 4, and Scorpius 3, are handfuls at times but I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are a light after all of the damage. Three years after the war and they are still restoring everything. They needed homes and I would have never turned them away. Draco and Scorpius made our family whole.

"Yeah, but until then we can stay in bed, right?"

"Of course. Come on." He tugs my arm gently and leads me to the bedroom. I happily slip my shirt and sweats off and crawl in next to him. "Now do you want to talk about what you were thinking about, Harry?" He brushes the hairs from my face and I lean into his chest.

"Just about how all of this started. Us, the war, everyone."

"That's an awful lot to think about for that pretty little head of yours." He mumbles, kissing my forehead.

"I'm serious. It just makes me nostalgic sometimes. I have to reprocess everything." I admit. He nods in understanding.

"The meetings helped, didn't they? We can go back. McGonagall said we were always welcome. Even when everyone stops going, her doors are always open for us and you know you always have a home in  Hogwarts." He assures.

"No. I got everything I could out of those meetings. It's just weird to think about it all. I may go back and visit, though. Will you come with me? They have a position opening for a healer there. You could apply." I tell him but he shakes his head.

"I prefer the freelancing I do now if that's ok. I like helping with older wounds. I like rehabilitating from the war. It gives me a chance to help and pay my dues, you know?" As he talks, I can't help but stare into his clear grey eyes. They used to be so troubled and stormy. It pleases me to see them bright once again. If I look hard enough I can see that signature glint of mischief he had back when we were both innocent, or as innocent as Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy could get. "But I'll still come with you. I always like to check in on the new Head of Slytherin and make sure he's taking care of Snape's hard work."

"You mean terrorizing Gryffindors?" I quirk an eyebrow at him and he throws his head back laughing.

"Snape didn't terrorize you guys." He defends with a grin on his face.

"Please, Draco. I'm not one to speak ill of the dead but he would roll over in his grave if he saw you now. Fraternizing with the enemy."

"That's because you're Harry freaking Potter!"

"He would still shit himself if he saw you with Ron or Hermione." I point and the blond makes a face.

"Don't make me sick, Potter."

"They are nice people, Draco."

"Because beggars can't be choosers."

"And assholes don't have boyfriends." I retort, rolling out of bed away from the warmth. His hand shoots out and he pulls me back down by the hem of my underwear. A surprised shout leaves my lips.

"I'm sorry, Harry. They have been... nice to accept me." He grumbles out and I smile, cupping his face and rubbing his soft pale cheek with my thumb.

"Good boy." He scoffs at my words, flipping me on my back and straddling my waist.

"If you're a good boy you just might get to see how sorry I am." He smirks and runs a finger down my chest. 

"Cut it out, Draco. The kids will be home soon." I roll my eyes but I can't deny the offer is tempting.

"You are no fun." He huffs, starting to climb off of me but I stop him.

"Ok... maybe once." He grins at this and proceeds to descend on my lips.