Never Grasp Hard Enough

Chapter 7

Unedited

Inanna

Beep. Beep.

My phone's screen lighted up signaling itself having messages.

I was finished taking my bath the moment I saw the screen. So I walked up to my night stand as I put my phone there where I left it just now.

Still drying my hair using the towel by brushing it onto my hair, I saw my phone. It showed from the unknown. I clicked on the messages and smiled as I read them.

[1st message]

Hye. Benjamin Beier here. It's my no. Keep it.

[2nd message]

I have a lovely day today. Thank you for spending a lil bit of ur time for the dine

[3rd message]

You must've been so tired. Rest well. Goodnight there. Sleep tight. :)

I saved up the name as Ben and replied him a goodnight with the smiling icon.

I know I'm happy receiving this message from him but it was so weird because of how much I like this giddy feeling. Is it finally the time for me to love?

Slowly walking towards my dressing table, I sat on the chair to dry my wet hair using the hair dryer.

While drying my hair after putting the olive oil on to my hair, my mind drove back to where I last left Herman.

How could I never notice his struggles when he sat all alone during the lessons. Only today I realized that he had always wanted to reach out but failed to do so for some certain reasons as he was so demure and an introvert boy he was.

Today really was a roller coaster for me especially the effect it gave to my emotions. It was fluctuated drastically from the morning until the night.

As I put the electrical thing inside my drawer, I still thought of my hectic day.

How in the evening then, I met an unexpected person that last time left me feeling somewhat excited with his stares. Right now, he was back again. Making me feel the same and the exact crazy feelings.

Sighing while I lay down heavily on my bed, I mumbled to myself, "It's impossible to fall in love right now. Especially this soon. This sudden. It doesn't even make sense."

I looked at my ceiling, thinking on the reasons to tell me that I am not in love.

Because for me, it was so impossible to fall in love this fast when I barely know him. To say that I was only adoring him, I can acknowledge that one but to tell myself that I was actually in love, it sounded so strange, so foreign as I never felt this way before. It was a feeling where I let my walls down making me feeling so insecure and vulnerable. As if I am stark naked in front of him. And I hate this feelings. Even though he did make me feeling giddy and excited.

"He wakes up the numb feelings that I never know their existence."

Somehow, I felt so scared as well. I couldn't think of the exact reason on why I felt so but one thing for sure, I should build my walls strong and unbreakable while treating him with my own behavior.

I shouldn't change the way I treated him just because he made me feelings something. It should be that I stayed the same and built my walls more stronger and tough after this.

Crossed my fingers, I hope he didn't do this on purpose because dear, my heart couldn't bear this a lot longer and more. The thing is that I didn't want to surrender too easy on this feelings. In the end, I will end up hurting myself.