Photosynthesis

cAn'T sLeEp, Oh WeLL-

its like

fricking

1:26 AM by the time i'm writing this

and like

i kinda feel guilty that im not sleeping
cuz like

my friends a couple days ago were like

yo, bud, pal, bro,

you need fricking sleep.

and im all like

lol ok ill get some sleep.

and now im not getting sleep-

its depressing because my friendos are genuinely concerned about how i get 4 hours of sleep at most every night

but i just really dont wanna sleep.

like, im tired

super tired.

like, i take a nap after every day of school because im so tired

but i just really dont like sleeping

especially when the next day is school.

Cuz like, sleep is
basically time travel

i mean, you fall asleep and two seconds later its a new fricking day

but thats the problemo.

i dont know about you, but i dont like waking up in the morning and going to school.

a lot of people dont

but i especially dont

because school is just nonstop anxiety.

like, seriously,

i got project deadlines
making sure i get good grades,
wondering if everyone hates me
wondering if people are laughing at me
making myself look presentable,
hoping my friends dont abandon me,

so, as you can tell,
there's a lot on my mind.

and people are expecting me to be like,

"oh, school's a nightmare, why dont i just go to sleep to make another day of hell come even quicker? yeah, sounds like fun."

(obvious sarcasm is obvious)

so basically,

i dont like sleeping because then the next day comes quicker than i would like it to.

so, i just dont sleep!

but like also, i like being tired

i would much rather be super tired than be super awake

cuz, when im tired, my brain is super foggy, and i worry about things less.
if my brain's foggy, i think about things that give me anxiety less.

and when im well rested, my mind is clear, and worrying thoughts flood in much easier.

my unhealthy conclusion:
less sleep = less anxiety
more sleep = more anxiety

i dont want anxiety,

so therefore

i dont want sleep

im ok.
(1/18/2020 1:52 AM)