"i really don't think this is necessary guys."
ross is now lying down in the center of the pentagram from chapter one. you probably thought it wasn't an important detail (but it was. & you were wrong!) zubin begins to light candles at the end of each point of the star as joe & andrew just kind of stand there.
"i'm sorry ross, but rob is going to die because of you. it's the among us curse. the imposter's curse." zubin knows the imposter's curse all too well.
"but he disconnected from the game! even if i was the imposter (which i'm not) how is that even my fault!?!"
"it isn't. but you're clearly the imposter. & the round ends now, since we are going to eject you."
"yeah, i have to agree with ross on this one," says rob, still dying. "i'm not dead! i could actually be completely fine if somebody would just lend me a hand here! anybody!"
"we cannot hear you rob."
"but you just responded to me?! clearly you heard me then."
"but you are an among us ghost. we cannot hear the ghost's voices. only the words spoken in the realm of the living & the vague presence of spirits watching us from afar."
"zubin this is kinda getting ridiculous i'm not going to lie!" ross is speaking up he's kinda tired of lying on the floor.
"i'm not going to lie," says zubin. his hair covers his face creating one of those anime shadows that everyone has during their important monologue. "you clearly don't own an air fryer."
"but we all live in the same house?"
"you don't own an air fryer."
"yeah, i don't, but neither do you."
"you don't own an air fryer!"
the lights in the house all go dark. the fire among (US??? LIKE THE GAME??? IS THIS A REFERENCE???) the candles turn blue (sans undertale???), swallowing the room in darkness with only the minor company of glowing blue.
"okay what the fuss." joe is talking now guys
"what, joe?" hey it's zubin! the guy from just a second ago!
"i dunno, man." joe, like magic, now suddenly has a huge blunt resting on his lip. "is it really right to condemn a man for not having property that one's own self doesn't possess? is it really right to judge a man by a lack of substance? why do we not, as a society, condemn those with too much? too much; more than they will ever need & then some."
joe takes a really long breath of his fat one. "& also who actually owns an air fryer? that's such a strange thing to judge somebody's worth on. really? a fussing air fryer?"
"stop saying fussing, man," says andrew. "it's really cringey."
"please don't say cringey, or any word related to cringe, ever again."
"sorry."
"andrew is right though. fussing is a cringe-ass word. & also you said the word 'society', are you a joker kinnie?"
"what is a kinnie" sometimes I think y'all forget the tallies are like. 40. not 25.
"yeah man what is that"
"it's something I saw on twitter dot com once, but alas, it is unimportant. we need to eject ross."
"you could really just not! i really don't think we need any kind of 'ejecting' stuff!"
"silence! you are going to be ejected!"
thunder & lightning strike outside again, despite it still not raining. the room is filled with the soft hum of electricity as everyone's phones turn to static (don't ask ME how it works, I'm just relaying the message.)
zubin begins his speech. everyone's hair starts blowing in the wind anime style even though they're still in a house.
"o' mighty imposter! we give you this sacrifice in hopes you will spare us from your crewmate genocide!"
"wait, sacrifice!? nobody told me this was a sacrifice!? what the fuck!?"
"we pray to you, o' mighty man in red, that you will cleanse us of our suspicion! of our sins! of our distrust in man!"
"hey joe im gonna go pop popcorn do you want some" andrew whispers to joe
"i'm a man in red" joe giggles as he takes another huge smoke from his fat blunt.
"okay cool"
"our kind will never be free of suspicion, but with your light, with your guidance, we can be free! we can be cleansed of sus!"
the wind is full on blowing in the house now. or it only looks that way. there's no actual wind but all their clothes are swaying as if there is. ross is practically trembling. he's not sus! he's not ready to be ejected!
rob (hey, i've been forgetting to remind you guys this, so my bad, but he's the one in the cowboy hat) is just dead at this point.
andrew comes back with popcorn & he hands a handful to joe, who immediately drops it on the floor because he's high & can't think.
"please, imposter, allow yourself to be truly among us!"
HE SAID THE FUNNY WORD GUYS!! THIS IS THE CLIMAX OF THE FANFICTION. THE HIGH POINT. IT ONLY GETS WORSE & LESS FUNNY FROM HERE. YOU MIGHT AS WELL STOP READING NOW. YOU'VE ALREADY HIT THE IMPORTANT BIT.
& with a flash of lightning, both rob & ross were gone without a trace.
