Trial Dating

Over (2)

This was it; I was finally going to open up to someone about the wreck that my life had been for the past five years. A part of me was getting eager to get it out. Maybe it would feel liberating...

Or maybe I'd not only end up confusing him but also myself. Maybe this will drag him in my messed up cycle. To be honest, in the past five years I have never sat myself down and thought everything through, I kept going, kept suppressing my feelings down. This was the first time I was going to listen to my own thoughts.

And this was all happening in front of that one guy I had developed feelings for. Great! He had just admitted that being with Natalie was just a way to forget and my brain was still dealing with that piece of information because that clearly meant that he didn't truly love me. He was distracting himself, again.

I knew that. I knew it was too good to be true and to be honest I am the one who pushed him to get the entire truth out. Well now it was time to deal with the consequences. The consequence being living life without Nathan in it. God damn it! Why was that thought so troubling? Why does it feel like it's almost an unachievable thing? I didn't date before and I have been with Nathan for about a month. Why the fuck does it hurt? Hate this dude. Hate him. Hate him. He broke me. I was fine before and now I feel like I won't be fine ever...Not without him.

"You've been giving me that bitter look for quite some time Megan. I am kinda getting scared." Came his slightly hoarse voice which made me come out of my reverie and realise how big of a fool I had just made of myself. I immediately broke eye contact with him which I hadn't even realised I was maintaining.

"Sorry" I muttered, embarrassed, looking at the floor now.

"You don't have to say sorry" He said, closing in on our distance and grasping my hands in his. The touch felt like if life had returned back in my body. He settled on the floor while I sat at the edge of the bed. "You don't have to open up if you-"

"No" I interrupted, looking at him. Gosh! He was beautiful. His hazel eyes were sparkling because of the tears he had shed few minutes ago. His hair was messed up because of the way he'd clutched it hard at the end of the story, but it looked perfect regardless. His proximity was distracting but his proximity was what I needed to get through this.

I was a little confused as to why he was this close to me though. This was over. We both knew it. And from the time we had spent together, didn't he realise his effect on me? Maybe he wanted to be there as a friend.

ARGH Friend. Stupid word. There was no way I could be friends with him, especially if he was this touchy with his friends. I would die.

But that shouldn't be the concern at the moment...My story, last five years, what changed?

Everything.

"When I was in the seventh grade, my dad decided to change companies leading us to France. It was him, my mum and I at the time-"

"You have a sibling?" He asked curiously. It made me smile.

"Yes, a younger sister. Anyways, when my mum and I first heard the news of us relocating to France, we were ecstatic. I mean I'd always see the Eiffel Tower in movies and now I was going to see it in real life and live in that city..." I smiled imagining my last day in school. I had made some great friends but the sorrow of leaving them was overshadowed by my excitement to live in the city of my dreams.

But thinking what followed that immediately made me clutch his hands tightly. "I guess I was too happy" I shrugged. "The first few weeks went by merrily. I loved Paris, the food, the culture, the weather. I was so sure to get adjusted in it easily. And that's where I went wrong" I inhaled deeply.

"Okay so I am gonna just say it. Yes?" I boosted myself up. "Yeah, I am just going to say it."

"Megan rel-"

"School. Bully. Cry. Tears. Cry. Almost suicide. Mom. Mom. Not proud. Scream. Shout. Too much screaming. Baby sister. No attention. Overweight. Cry. Cry. Eat. Beaten up. Not beautiful. Hate myself. Ran here for a month to escape." I rambled and as I finished exhaled loudly.

Wow! It was out, not exactly in a story form but he was smart enough to figure. And it felt good. I mean I really was worried for no reason. I think I crushed it. But then I felt Nathan's hands slip away from mine. Confused, I look at him. He got up and took few steps back as if he couldn't believe what he'd heard.

I felt offended.

"What do you mean 'for a month'?" He voiced.

Fuck! Did I say month? Did I tell him I was here for a month?

"When are you leaving?" He questioned, his brows scrunched up.

"I..I- didn't mean to—"

"Megan when?" He stressed. He looked pissed, as he should be. Fuck! How could I have just slipped that out?

"Tomorrow" I muttered, my head hung low. My heart was beating so fast, I could hear it.

He laughed and held his head in his hands, gripping his hair tightly. I got off the bed and took a step towards him when he looked up and stopped me in my tracks by raising a hand in front of him.

"That's why five days. You knew you were leaving anyways. Why not one last fling, huh?" He said coldly.

"Nathan-"

"Yes or no?" He asked firmly, clutching his jaw tight.

I drew in a breath. There was no point bullshitting now. "Yes, it started like that-"

"Get out" he spat.

My heart stopped. But I knew I had no right to argue back, I should have told him. I should have but never did I think that this thing between him and I would bloom into something. That still wasn't a good enough reason not to tell him. I knew the truth in my gut. I fucked up.

And so I left.