The Battle Roars. The Scars Multiply. The Pain Never Ends.

This is not What I had Planned

This is not What I had Planned

What's the point to this life?

Must I always walk this battle field?

I sob as I grab my knife,

My brain will never fully yield.

These constant thoughts slam into my brain,

They make me feel insane.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

They are the footsteps of my doom.

This is not what I had planned,

I am so weak I can no longer stand.

I don't want to fall in love with falling,

But my dear friend, I am and I'm squalling.

I never thought it'd keep up this long,

And please don't take this wrong,

But I feel like no one understands me,

And I fear that these struggles will always be.

I know you tell me "You're not alone."

And that "I can't do this on my own."

But after these torturous six years,

All I have is my constant fears.

The fear of forever being broken,

And that everything here will remain unspoken.

The fear of you forgetting me and moving on,

And the fear of having all my hope...gone.

This is not what I had planned,

I am so weak I can no longer stand.

I don't want to fall in love with falling,

But my dear friend, I am and I'm squalling.

I never thought it'd keep up this long,

And please don't take this wrong,

But I feel like no one understands me,

And I fear that these struggles will always be.

But my dear friend, don't pay attention to this,

Because my words are a gentle kiss.

You do not feel my everyday pain,

So do not worry about that red stain.

Don't question my oh so many scars,

Because they are mine, not "ours".   

Do NOT ask me "Why do you do that?"

I'm sorry if I seem like a brat.

This is not what I had planned,

I am so weak I can no longer stand.

I don't want to fall in love with falling,

But my dear friend, I am and I'm squalling.

I never thought it'd keep up this long,

And please don't take this wrong,

But I feel like no one understands me,

And I fear that these struggles will always be.

I'm sorry if it seems like I am only sleeping in bed.

I just hope you don't see all the red.

I did not want to bother you any longer,

But I am so glad you were stronger.

This is the finish my dear friend,

Do not worry for your pain will mend.

You did not need me, I only held you back,

I don't feel pain, my life is back on track.