The halls where way more crowded then I remembered them being last semester. It had to be getting worst and my heart was going crazy. The space between each breath I took was getting smaller and smaller but somehow I make my way to third period and laid my head down on the cool suffice. Ready to just sit and take things in from a safe distance. "Oh my god, where were you all break, I feel like you fell off the face of the earth! You didn't answer any of my texts again. You can't keep blowing me off, I'm your best friend you need me." I hear Alisa walk up and sit down but don't turn to look and she doesn't say anything else. She must have stopped talking when she saw me. I'm having a bad day a horrible day and the last thing I needed was her pretending we hadn't been fighting. She does this. I didn't realize how bad of a pattern it was until I started talking about it with Leo. We fight or really she just gets mad at me for something and then comes back like nothing happened. The crappy part is the way I've always gone along with it. But I'm already overwhelmed and her putting me in my place about how much I need her is only making me feel worse.
"We were fighting remember? You got mad about me not being interested in joining cheer. Apparently that makes me a horrible friend, or did you suddenly forget that."
"It wasn't a fight it was a disagreement amongst best friends. You're the one that ignored me all of break. But you're my best friend and I love you. So here I am trying to forget about it and move on. I guess I can apologize too if that's really what you want?" Alisa chuffs at the end of her sentence like she's put out by this whole conversation and all it makes me do is feel even more pathetic. I should fight her on this. Tell her she's being awful and a bad friend. Only, she's my shield. She protects me here, she gives me something to stand behind. People see here and I'm just there blending in behind her. I get to hide. My shoulders sink at the realization. We've been best friends since we were six and sometimes all I see left of it are moments like this. Where she chooses to sit with me at lunch over other people. I love her. I want to make this work and not just because I go unnoticed besides her.
"You don't have to apologize. I mean we're best friends right, and best friends fight sometimes. Tell me all about your break." I watch a huge smile take over the corners of Alissa's mouth as she starts in on the party last night with James. I do my best to listen to her and keep up but my mind is all over the place. Suddenly I feel like I should be reevaluating my whole life. I feel ill. My leg is tapping so fast against the floor I'm sure she's had to have noticed it and I'd just choosing to say nothing. Was this the type of friendship I still wanted? When did we get to this place. I think I'm getting a headache. The bell rings and everything goes silent, just not my mind.
Today was not a day that I had been looking forward to lunch. I had promised Alisa earlier I would sit with her. So instead of hiding away with Leo and venting about how today was going I was waiting at our usual table outside. The day had only gotten worse since this morning too. I had been called on twice by our substitute teacher and left the room to puke shortly after. "Hey girl, look what I got, I" Alisa stops mid-sentence when she sees me, silently placing her tray down, and taking a seat.
I probably look like a mess, I feel like it. A second later I feel a soft hand rubbing my back and it only makes me want to squirm away from her more. Like a million little bugs are crawling all over me and the room is closing in. Taking a deep breath and letting it all out again I try to remind myself that this is my best friend and I'm completely safe. Even with all of our differences, we would always be there for each other. She was just trying to help. I watch Alisa greet James and Dean not attempting to do the same. I don't want to be here. Except I was and had to be. Things are spinning and I feel sort of dizzy. My body's too hot and I hate it here. I hate everything about this stupid table and this stupid school, with this stupid group of people. I'm becoming irrationally angry about everything. I'd scream if I had the courage, cause a huge scene. Tell everyone to go to hell. I love Alisa and she loves me. Why am I so upset. Why does my heart so bad?
YOU ARE READING
Until Things Fall Apart
Teen FictionStephanie and Leo were never even meant to be friends, let alone be feeling whatever they were feeling now. Leo was one thing at school and she was another. They have absolutely nothing in common, ok maybe one thing. One massive thing, their anxiet...
