ZaDr After The Florpus

Sexual Attraction is Stupid

     "I don't get it, Gir."
     "What? Don't get what?"
     "What is this sexual attraction thing that she mentioned?"
     "She told us not to look it up, remember?"
     "But I have to understand."
     "I got an example... probably. Finding Zim. I meant Dib. I need to clean my systems again."
     His panel opened up and after a few seconds, Dib appeared on screen, laying there sprawled out on his bed. I could see his ugly bare chest moving as he inhaled and exhaled. His stupid human eyes staring into the ceiling.
     Oh no. Every muscle in my body is tensing. My squeedlyspooch is tying itself into a knot of emotions. What is this. My pulse. All three hearts have increased in speed.
     "I can't take it. Put the screen away. Gir. Now!"
     "No."
     "Please!"
     "O-Okay. Sorry, Zim. But that is what sexual attraction is for you. You react that way when you find someone hard to resist."
     "So what would happen if I would allow these desires to take full hold?"
     "I don't know. Should I ask Dib?"
     "No! Don't let him know what is happening to me."
     "He probably already knows about it. He probably knows more than you think. Maybe your doctor informed him of something. He did call to talk to your doctor about what was going on."
     "Oh glorpsnot!"
     "What?"
     "He knows what this is."
     "He might be able to help."
     "How could he help me, Gir?"
     "Calling Dib."
     "What? No gir I-"
     "Ah!"
     "Ah!"
     Dib was just laying on his bed. Why is he panicking on his computer screen.
     "Zim? What's wrong? What happened? Did you abduct more cows? I told you to stop doing that..."
     See, I know he's talking to me, but I can only hear strange words. What is this feeling. It's coming back and he's scolding me. And yet I feel a need for him in some way that I cannot comprehend.
     "Zim? Earth to scum!"
     "Do not scare the almighty Zim!"
     "Why did you call me? I was doing some... research."
     "I don't know. I was talking to the doctor thing and she said some interesting things."
     "Like?"
     Oh my gosh, I cannot talk with him. It's torturing Zim to have him so close and yet I can't get to him.
     I guess that's a lie. I could get to him. And I have a way to drag him towards me.
     "Zim. You are turning dark green. What's wrong?"
     "You are, filthy little worm baby!"
     "Been a little bit since you called me that."
     "I do not understand this feeling."
     "Want to talk about it?"
     "I would rather not."
     "Alright then. Oh, call Keef."
     "Keef. What will Keef be able to do for Zim?"
     "Unlike you, Keef's species does things yours did not. Maybe he experiences similar stuff."
     "Hmm."
     "He did tell me that his species has a lot in common with yours."
     "Good point, Dib-weird."
     "Altight. We good?"
     "Yeah."
     "Okay, bye."
     "Bye."
     Jeez.
     I can't believe that I'm about to say this.
     "Gir, please call Keef."
     "Calling Keef."
     On the screen, a red skinned alien with dark blue eyes appeared on screen, holding a small soft rock thing of some kind. I believe earthlings call it clay.
     "Zim?"
     "Hello Keef."
     "You've never called me before. Wow."
     "Calm down, fool!"
     "Right. Sorry."
     "I have a personal question about something new that I've been experiencing that your race might."
     "Okay."
     "What is sexual attraction?"
     "Why? What happened?"
     "I've been experiencing heart palpitations, my skin turns dark green, I feel super warm... I feel like I lose control of my whole body. I do not understand what it is. But the doctor that saw me called it sexual attraction."
     "Ah. Hold on."
     "Where is Keef going? I am in the middle of a crisis."
     "I'm getting my dad. Don't worry. I'll be right back Zim. I know you need my help and I am on top of it as we speak."
     "Don't say that phrase. It does something to me."
     "The desperate phase of things. How long has this been an issue?"
     "About eight earth hours."
     "Hmm."
     he ran out fast and moments later a taller alien walked in, skin as black as the ink from the harpolo people and eyes as red as his son's skin.
     "Hello."
     "Dad?"
     "Yes, son?"
     "He has questions that we might have the answer to. He's going through the season of snogging."
     "Oh dear."
     "He doesn't know what that is. He's irken."
     "Ah. Explains the pak on his back. Is this a new thing for all irkens?"
     "Dad, the irken people were destroyed by a Florpus. There are only a few left now."
     "I see. So this is extremely new, isn't it?"
     "Of course."
     "I see. Well don't panic. This is all a part of the world we live in. I don't know what else to do besides tell you how to stop it."
     "There's a way to stop it?"
     "Yes. A couple of ways, actually. If you do not want to give in to the season of snogging, anytime you experience it, eat... you can't have water. Hmm... Give me a moment to think on this."
     "Someone is at the door."
     "Who is it?"
     "Dib."
     Uh-Oh. Here we go again.
     "Zim c-can't see Dib'n'dumb right now."
     "Oh wow, what a color change. That is one deep shade green. Hmm. Well it seems you have a few days of this ahead."
     "No. I do not want this."
     "I know that this is confusing. You need something to distract you from what's happening."
     "Like what?"
     "I don't know. For me I was always trying to find something to clean. Or something to make."
     "I see."
     "Just... I wouldn't recommend going through with anything."
     "I see."
     "Did my dad help?"
     "He did, Keef. I hate to say this but... thank you. Ow, that hurt."
     "Okay. Bye young man. You should get that dark green situation under control as soon as possible."
     Well duh.
     They hung up and Gir put his screen away and looked at me.
     "Computer!"
     "What?"
     "Is Dib still at the door?"
     "Yes."
     "Gir. Could you please go see what he wants?"
     "Okay."
     I don't know what to do. My home is well kept after. I clean in here all of the time.
     "Zim?"
     He's in here. Why is he in here?
     "Dib, go away."
     "I just came to... whoa... that color is way darker than before. Right. Nevermind."
     Good. Goodbye.
     "Zim? I have something that might help keep you distracted."
     "And what is that?"
     "Kenny!!"
     "Kenny?"
     Whoa, that was a loud crash in the kitchen.
     A brown furry blur flew by me and slammed into Gir.
     "A monkey? Where on this ugly miserable rock dis you get a monkey?!"
     "The zoo. His name is Kenny. And he's my friend. I love you, Kenny."
     "You promised me you would stop stealing from the zoo after that lion incident."
     "Oh yeah. Oops."
     The monkey suddenly took off again and it was followed by another lowd crash.
     "I guess this will keep me busy."