I'm Ready To Let Go

They both are mess

Do you ever wonder what if stars shine out for you?

I did and it probably worked out for me. I was 13 when I showed symptoms of tumor and till 17 it became worse. Right now, floating on the surface of Hudson River and thinking about how fucking amazing this year had been for me, I think I’m ready to drown myself in.

Nothing remains constant… Family, friends, relationships, and even nature itself, everything changes. But when I open my eyes I look at the wonder of God, I look up to see stars. They are the only thing that remained constant in my life. The beautiful night sky with millions of stars, I’m in Galaxy. Soon in peace.

*Nine months before*

"Jennie.. Jennie... Wake up",

"Ugh.. who is shouting?", my subconscious murmured to me.

I opened my eyes, well pretty much tried to open my eyes, and saw some blur visions in front of me. Scrunching my nose, I rubbed my eyes like I've a new pair of eyeballs in my drawer and saw a clear vision of mom picking up my clothes for laundry. She is late as always. I was coming back to my senses while yawning.

"Get your ass up right now or you will miss your bus", she shouted while closing the door behind her. I rubbed my eyes again and stretched my hands. I think I'm going to be late again.

After a long argument with myself, I decided to take the shower.

As I turn on the hot water, I took off my shirt and bandages from my arms. Nothing serious, I just fell from stairs yesterday as my vision suddenly became blurred due to a strong headache. I'm trying to stay positive but I think it's back. I think my brain tumor is back. I'd some tests yesterday and I'm waiting for the results of the test. Sighing, I stepped into the shower and as the hot water fell on my skin, it calmed me. I scrubbed my body with soap and with this I was scrubbing all of the negative thoughts from my mind. After getting cleaned I wrapped myself with the towel, it was already 8. I'm definitely going to be late. That would be my 3 times a week. Mrs. White is going to rip me in half. I reminded myself that I'd to hurry. Wearing a floral top with white jeans, I went downstairs.

"Have breakfast", my mom said as she saw me.

"No mom I'm having sandwiches in my bag. Bye, Love you", saying this and waving to her a little I went out. Plastering a smile on my face, I started walking. I looked up at the blue sky. I breathe to fill my lungs and feel alive. Is my creator busy painting the world that he forgot to write a happy ending for me? Plugging earphones in my ears, I continued walking. My luck is with me, I didn't miss the bus.

Now I've to wait till I reach my destination- 'The Bradment High School', school? It's pretty much a private area owned by athletes and pretty faces. And I'm the new girl. Just started 3 months ago. Still new girl? Well, I earned this name from athletes. 'The new girl', It's obviously because I did something. Well-- I ended up fighting with the king of the school on my first day so things were messy.

I shifted from California due to family issues. One good thing was that my best friend was also staying in New York. It was like our reunion. In like 3 days or something, I became friends with her friends and now I'm in their group.

The first day of school was something else. I don't know how I ended up having rebellious relation with my new crush. It's kind of my fault too, I shouldn't have punched and kicked him in front of almost half campus.

"I wonder if your mother is a bitch like you.......", he whispered in my ear.

Ugh, I need to get this out of my head, it's been three months since that. For distraction, I joined the cheerleading team and it has been working great. He did make up to me for that shit but still, after I accepted his apology, we rarely talked. We are... Nothing.