Untamed Hearts

Scars

" Yes dad, don't worry. I won't be alone, there will be others also."

" ....yeah yeah!!! I will keep on calling you. Bye and take care" Kongpob pockets the phone and slings the backpack on his shoulder and started for the bus waiting for the students. Every year, a week long trip is organised by the university for students from all departments and branches. Due to his lack of trust on others and fear of getting panic attacks Kongpob has always refused to go despite many pleas of his father. Even after more than four years later, Kongpob has not managed to completley overcome the incident which turned his whole life upside down. He still wears the scars from that day, every moment remindes him that it is not only his body which came out scathed from the monstrous act.  He had never thought that a single 'NO' will result in a nightmare for him.  

After that horrible day, he could not bear to look at the things the same. It was like his world had filled with darkness only. He tried to deny that such thing has happened to him but every morning when he saw his father collapsed on a chair holding his hands, the harsh reality mocked him that no matter what things could not go back to the way they were before and it only fueled his hatred, hatred for the person who snatched his life, hatred for not fighting more, for being weak. He might have accepted the fact and restarted his life if only he had not seen that monster again that day behaving like his normal self, like he had not ruined his life. It made Kongpob realise that he could never conquer and get over the assault if he continued to live there. And then he did the one thing which he regret as well as cherish- moving away from States. He regrets it till today because doing so he selfishly uprooted his father's life from the place dear to him, where his parents started their love story. Instead of pressing charges against the devil, he decided to be a coward and run away from the only place which was home for him for 14 years. He also cherish this life changing choice of him as Thailand gave him a new beginning , a new hope, a new life, a new dream.

Kongpob had always wanted to be an Engineer just like his father. He still remebers his younger self, where he told his father that he would make a robot look alike of his mother with the same name and gift it to him so that he won't feel lonely anymore.His father always gave him a watery smile and embrace him. But after the rape he just could not go back to that dream. It was tainted by that night where he has lost the cheerful,confidant and naive self of him.

When he came to Thailand for one year he didn't went out of the house in fear of a repeat off that incident. After many pleadings of his father he gave in for home schooling and even then he asked his father to not leave him alone in same vicnity of a stranger. But then that stranger become his first friend here. Later that stranger become a friend, a brother, a protector. 

The stranger turned friend is the reason Kongpob became brave enough to apply for the Entrance Exam to get in the medical department and attend it after getting selected. Here he met several other wonderful people like P'Beam and his boyfriend P' Forth, Nixon, Zane...Arthit and his gang. 

When Kongpob met the Head hazer first, he didn't knew that he was treating an engineer, there was something about the way the young man scrunched up his nose and sucked at his lip in pain, how his hold tightens around Kongpob's arm when he stitched the cut. The portrait of an Engineer in his mind is solely different and dark from the bright young man who gave him a sheepish smile while thanking for his help.

 The second time  was the day he met Rusty. Rusty was totally drenched and shivering in the rain when Kongpob took him out from the dumpster. He was feeling more gloomy that day as he was reminded of the awful night 2 years back. Seeing the puppy struggling against the onslaught of heavy downpour, he remembered his own struggle when he had collapsed in front of Ray's car. Thus he could not help but rescue the young guy crouching inside the small space beside the dumpster. After coaxing the dog for few minutes, at last the puppy came to him and whimpered. Caressing the totally drenched furball ,Kongpob turned around only to met with the dark orbs looking back at him. Kongpob didn't understand even now why he felt worried for the student and offered his umbrella to him. But whatever emotion the engineer had managed to stir left Kongpob unsettled and a foreign feeling took over his heart, making his fear of losing himself again more profound. After that he became extra cautious to never get in the way of Arthit and his gang but it was difficult as they both had same circle but that day of downpour was the last time he talked to Arthit.