Cheating High School for Dummies

The diary of a last-minute-studier

The following is taken from journal entries, which were written on 20th and the 21st of November, the day before and of my math yearly. To be fair, I probably should have paid attention in class rather than just doodling on my notebook.

6.00pm

I just remembered that my math yearly is tomorrow. Shit, better study. I just don't feel ready to study yet; I mean it seems like just yesterday I graduated primary school. Maybe I should have a quick shower and organize my desk so I'm 'in the mood' to study. 

The shower was refreshing, my hair is damp and I can't concentrate. I would blow-dry it but that's too much effort, plus that would damage my hair even more. So I think I'll just let it air dry, you know... naturally.  

It's so boring waiting for my hair to dry, I can't just sit down and revise my math’s textbook; I need something that will take my mind off it. I haven't watched the 4th season of American Horror Story, maybe I should watch that. Just one episode... can't hurt, can it?

9.00pm 

I can't believe that spoilt ass kid just killed the maid. Like dude she cleans your shit, be grateful. There aren't any episodes left and my hair is dry so I really should start studying. Wait a second I haven't eaten since I got home. That's like 6 hours. I could die of starvation. Maybe I'll go cook something quickly.

I burnt myself making lasagna. My hand is swollen and the ice no longer has the desired effect. Anyway... time to study. 

9.05pm 

What the hell? I never learnt any of this... 

10.30pm 

My dad drew a set of stick figures to explain algebra to me. Like mate, calm down. Any who, I still can't believe jimmy Darling and his lobster hands. I feel extremely tired because the temperature today was like 40 degrees. Never the less, I still must carrying on, studying formulas and equations. 

1.00am 

I fell asleep on my textbook and now there is ink on my face. I'm not sure if it'll come off. I've spent a good 20 minutes in front of the mirror scrubbing it and I have to say it's not noticeable... if you're standing a couple meters away from me. I'm still drowsy as I am still extremely tired but I must march on...

3.00am

My head is pounding and my eyes are fighting to shut, it's like a war between mind and body. 'No, you need to study. No, you need sleep.' I have taken a couple panadoles but the relief still hasn't kicked in. I'm starting to become delusional; I'm starting to hallucinate. I literally thought twisty the clown was under my bed. I wish, because frankly a huge fat ginger cat doesn't make up for a psychotic clown who just wants people to laugh. I wish Ryan Murphy wrote my life, so it'd be like American Horror Story, or at least on bad days like an episode of glee. 

I'm almost half way, considering I skipped a chapter or two that's pretty good. 

4.35am 

Is this what enlightenment feels like? Is this why monks are always so happy? I feel a bit ditsy and tipsy but other than that fine. The pain has subsided and in it's place, there is now serenity...calmness. I am able to understand things in greater clarity. I finally understand Pythagoras and it's theorem. I am in a state...and I'm not sure what is what. All I know is that if I fail this math test it won't matter because there are many well-paying jobs that do not require mathematical ability. Like 

Dental Hygienists and so on...you know stripping and prostitution? Kidding.

6.30am 

I feel like shit, this is what being hung-over feels like. I just had a mental breakdown because I couldn't find my matching sock. A bloody sock caused me to tear up.

9.30am

Wish me luck because I am fuc-