What We Seek

Part 3

Chapter Three

The water was colder than I would have preferred but I was warm inside, so I ignored the temperature and focused on the people. Ben and Bev were next to each other as they looked over at us. Bill started to swim over towards us with Mike right behind him.

They all look livelier now that the grime and blood are free from their faces. Ben and Bev have to kiss sooner or later too. I'm not sure about Mike and Bill's relationship, but I hope Mike finds comfort knowing we all are here with him now. These idiots are everything to me, well, mostly him.

Eddie was right next to me in the water, treading close enough that his arms swiped mine. Bev looked the most curious about what had been said before our jump but nobody asked anything of us. They just swam over to us, and we found a rock in the water where I sat on one side and Eddie sat on the other. I felt complete and safe with the relaxed faces I saw around me. I looked over to find Eds staring right at me. I smiled at him, deciding a light tease couldn't hurt to help start a talk between us all.

"See somethin' ya like, Edward?"

My impression of a New York local made everyone laugh as blush hit Eddie's cheeks and nose. He didn't retort back like he usually did; his new response earned him a red face from me.

"Yes, I do. I think I'd like this one."

He pulled me in closer to him. We got the other Losers to crowd into the hug with us. We all held each other, enjoying the freedom from fear and the joy our company brought us all. It was like a sudden tug inside me made me speak out. I knew that this might be my last time with them all, for a while at least; I had to come clean about my experience in the deadlights while I was in person with everyone.

"Guys, I need to tell you what happened...."

"Sure thing, Rich, what's up?"

Bill was so calm in his response that I continued, holding onto Eddie and him for support.

"When I was caught, by the deadlights I mean, I saw a kind of parallel world where things didn't go well. Eddie...I saw...you got impaled by It when you thought you'd killed It."

He suddenly tensed up, his grip on my arm changing from comforting to worried.

"You saw me die? Like Beverly had seen us all die?"

"Yes, but no. I had seen your fatal wound happen in my first vision. I know you had to wonder why I was so frantic to move you away from It when I came out of the lights?"

"You knew that you could change things. That's why you kept stopping; it's why you had that shaking happen once we escaped, isn't it?"

Oh, Eds, don't be afraid. You're clearly not dead and you never will die in such a gruesome, awful way.

"Yeah...I saw your last words in the other world as we rounded the corridor we used to try and sneak out to the entrance. I saw myself being dragged out of It's lair without you when I helped you from the trapdoor. The worst was the last one; I felt my entire heart shatter when I saw the house collapse with y-y-your...body still in there."

I started to shake and I took Eddie's hand into mine and pulled him even closer into me. It ended up bringing all of us closer in many ways. They comforted me as sobs left my mouth in a low, unsteady pattern. Nobody spoke for at least five minutes, my tears and my sorrows coming to pass as they gave me strength. Finally, Eddie said something once I had stopped my whimpering.

"I think I need to move. Ben, you've kind of been standing on my foot and I can't feel it now."

We started another round of easy chuckling as Ben apologized and hopped off the rock into Bev, who let go of Eddie's knee to dunk Ben under the water. They surfaced again after a long few seconds, both smiling but gasping for breath and the rest of us knew they had kissed.

"Okay now, bathing in dirty water is one thing, but kissing? Really you two?"

"Come on, Eds, don't you wanna have a make-out session under the Derry-certified greywater?!"

I yanked Eddie over to my side, which is when we slipped off the rock right towards Bill and Mike. Mike pulled Bill away and the two of them started playing in the water while I swam around chasing Eddie. Even though he threw fact after fact at me about diseases and water-quality, he was as happy as we all were. I caught him, Mike lost the water fight to Bill, and then we all went over to the shore, walking back towards the cliff to grab our shoes. I had my arm thrown over little Eddie Spaghetti's shoulder teasing him and the others as we all walked and chatted. There came a moment where Ben and Bill were talking with Mike and Bev in the lead also talking, and I just looked down into Eddie's face. He looked up at me and smiled, the dim sun reflecting his happiness into the air around us. I smirked back, my hand on his shoulder rubbing him softly.

I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on this planet. If I don't see this face everyday until I die, then I'll be dead inside before my ugly mouth stops breathing.

It took us a little bit to walk all the way back to the Derry Inn, but the sun started to warm us up from the shivering we had done in the water. I knew that we should leave Derry quickly, especially me. I did technically murder Henry Bowers in the library, which is where Mike went. He promised to take very little and then come to the library to say goodbye. I went inside the inn first, holding the door for everyone. We all went ahead and went to get our things because the clerk for this establishment was still MIA. I realized that I had already put my things in my car, which was parked outside of the library. Instead of going into my own room, I followed Eddie. He didn't say anything to stop me as I sat down on his bed. I simply wanted to be with him; he must have felt the same because he started asking me things as he made sure all of his belongings were in his three large suitcases.

"So, did you have any comedy tours scheduled soon?"

"Nope, I luckily did my last one of that set the day Mike called. I mean, I did forget half of my material and end up improvising the ending joke, but I don't really mind."

"Well, do you have an agent who will plan more?"

"Oh, he's not sure about me. I feel like he'll quit since I left without paying him for the tour we just finished. I will send him the money I owe but he never was particularly close with me."
"I guess that means you'll have a free schedule?"

"Yep, what about you?"
"My entire business has probably lost their minds at this point, so I have to go back to at least calm things before I decide if I want to hand it over or not. I still own a majority of the stock, but my second holds an almost equal share. I can sell him enough of mine to be a holder but not the big boss."

I could sense that both of us didn't want to talk about it, but I knew I had to start the next part of our talk because this was a problem I caused for him.

"What about your wife, Myra?"

Eddie stopped moving his medicine bag around. He came and sat down next to me, a bottle of pills still in his clenched hands.

"I...fuck. I married my mom, man. I don't know how the hell to leave her without feeling guilty. I want you. You want me. The answer should be so clear, but it scares me that I'll see her cry and I'll cave. I just...I don't want to risk losing us now that we have each other again."

I knew that coming out to him and admitting things had a chance of hurting him, but I never intended to hurt another person too.

"I don't love her though. Never have, never will. I love you, Richie Tozier, and I think, even if I'm not certain, that having you with me could make it easier for me to leave her."

"If you want me there, I will come with you, but are you sure? I know that I love you, and you say you love me, but I still worry that this isn't...right, I guess."

He leaned his head to mine, him tossing the pill bottle into the open garbage can by the bed.

"I'm sure, even if you are just a gay trashmouth from Derry, fucking Maine."