What We Seek

Part 11

Chapter Eleven

(AN: Past this point, the profanity and strong language may be worse and there are some triggering moments, so be forewarned!)

"Seriously, Eds? You want to be my agent?"
Eddie sat up, so I did the same to make sure we were sitting as equals. It was something I had read once about doing business; physical height equality makes business easier. He shrugged at my questioning.

"I don't have a job currently and divorces aren't cheap."

"Eddie...I know you won't like it..."

I turned away because I still felt bad for what I had done. I also realized how sore my arms and legs were from the night before, especially my thighs from where Eddie sat across me. It didn't seem like I was doing too hot in that second.

"Richie, what did you do?"
"I called up a friend while we were still in Derry and told him to prepare a divorce case for you and Myra to sign. He messaged me last evening to let me know that it was finished. I tried to pay him, but he only asked for front row tickets to one of my shows for him and his daughter. I knew you'd be upset that I paid for it and meddled, but I didn't want to stress you into working right after moving in, and leaving, and facing the fucking clown."
"Richie, it wasn't right of you to influence the divorce anymore than your existence already has."

It hurt to hear the disappointment in Eddie's voice; it was sharp, serious, and completely unlike his normal tone.

"I'm sorry. If you want to use another lawyer, you can."

I went to get up to go start making coffee for Eddie and maybe drink whiskey for me, but his hand surrounded my wrist.

"Wait, Chee, come back."

The nickname isn't just for fooling around? Great, it's for anything super personal...

I sat back down to be polite of him speaking, but I knew that no matter how he said it, I would feel bad now.

"You already owe the lawyer tickets, so I won't waste your time and effort in trying to help. I still want to know if I am qualified to be your agent or not. That way I can pay you back through my working for you."

Eds, baby, I have no idea if you have the influence of Eugene or anyone else I've worked with, but that's not the problem: I am. They can't handle how anxious I get before shows. They hate how I ask them to tour with me. They seriously loathe when I ask them to cancel shows I don't feel up to. What will you think of me as a lover if you see me as a client or as a comedian?

I took a shaky breath, trying to gather what self-loathing thoughts I was having into a response. I felt Eddie's hand reach for me. I took his fingers and wrapped mine with them.

"Eds, I love you, but I'm worried you will see someone I'm not. There's a different person that I become when I am working. I don't want him to be how you see me."

"Richie, I see you now. I see that you don't want to hurt us or me. I know that most couples who work together have some problems, but I really think we can work through it. Maybe...maybe we will both find that we don't have to be what work tells us to be?"
Eddie, I can't imagine anyone I'd rather spend every part of every day with.

"If you think you can handle all the dysfunctional, nervous mess that I am as a person, and still love me for me, then you probably have the best chance of being my longest running agent."
We were looking into each other's souls as we talked so I could almost feel Eddie's energy turn happier as he smiled.

"I'm your agent now?"
"Damn straight, Mr. Kaspbrak, you sure are."
"You're not going to call me that all the time, are you?"
He's so youthful and sweet with me. I can't even see the tired, defensive man that kept saying 'fuck you' at the Jade of the Orient.