Castle: Locked out

Chapter 7

KATE'S POV

My left hand circled the phone like a snake closing on its victim and my gaze had stiffly focused itself on the dialing pad, carefully avoiding the empty circle on my ring finger. Pale in contrast to the rest of the tan finger. Left out. Without hope for happiness. Deep in my heart I knew that it had been a mistake. Just cutting of Rick? That's just impossible, but what else had he been hiding from me? Did he have intention of telling me? Goddamit Castle. Why are you making this so hard for me? With the same force of anger and frustration I slammed my fingers down on the dialing pad.

"Kate? Are you feeling better?" Lanie's normally so cool and calming voice, had been replaced with a worried and anxious one. 

"Yeah. It's fine," I try to sound convincing but my voice betrays me, and it cracks.

"Oh, Kate." 

"It's not fine. I gave him the ring back. But I had no choice, what else could I have done? Just forgive him? I'm a cop, I know best not to trust someone who has lied before. How can I trust him now?" Tears were rolling down my cheecks, and I quickly and furiously I brush them away. 

"Yeah you can. You can just forgive him, Kate. For god's sake. You love him. He loves you more than anytihng. If he prooved one thing in the last years, it was that he loves you more than anything. Maybe also that he is really crazy, but he also prooved that he loves you."

My lips crack into a sad smile: "Its too late anyways. He's gone, and he's not gonna wait."

"Yes. Yes, he is, you giant idiot."

"Hey! This is still a detective you are talking about! And that brings me to what I actually wanted to ask you. Was Claire really pregnant?"

"She was."

"Thanks." I reply, and hang up. 

                                                                       -✎-

CASTLE'S POV

I fucked up. So bad. So, so bad. But the least I could do was find her murderer, and I wasn't going to do that when having a huge fight with Kate in the office. But at the same time I just wanted to be near Kate. Feel her move around me. Feel her soft skin under my finger-tips one last time even if it is only to give her the coffee I will no longer bring every morning. Why was I even going home? All that waited for me at home was an empty apartment: Alexis being at college, and my mother doing what not. Angrily I stomped my feet, and turned around just in time to glide my hand between the elevator doors, causing it to open. 

I can already imagine Kate's expression when I walk back in. Pissed, confused, and a bit relieved. As if she hadn't given me back her ring. As if we were still happy. But that wonderful expression full of déjà-vu would be gone in seconds. Replaced by a stone-like face that I have sadly seen too often. But until now we had always found a way to make it work. I don't even know what it was right now. Trust? Love? Our Relationship? Or was it what I feared the most? All of it; meaning everything would be lost. I just want to punch the wall. How could I have been so stupid? Kate would have loved me no matter what. But now? Now its too late! Agh!! Anger boils inside me, but for Kate's sake, I try to stand still. She must already think I'm too clingl and convincing Gates of allowing me to work with her on this final investigation did not help that image. So I must controll my emotions, just conceal them. For her and my sake. So that we have a chance. 

"Castle? I thought you were going home?" Kate's angelic voice rings to me. I must have been standing inside the elevator for a while because Kate is moving towards me with concern in her eyes.