Population Zero

Chapter Six

After that first night meeting with Dustin, I began to visit him more and more often. The stress became too much for me and I was finding all my assignments and chores completely meaningless. I started to feel like nothing mattered and I felt myself getting angrier and more hostile. I had about lost it so many times on Nathan to the point where my fists went up in the air and I had to physically stop myself from punching him straight in the jaw. I needed something to keep me going and Dustin was it for me. He listened to me and seemed to sort of understand where I was coming from. He kept me out of trouble with the teachers and other youth officers time and time again and I was so grateful to him. Because of him, I had maintained my level 4 status through all my transgressions and believe me, there were a lot.

Every morning before we head out to our first class all the kids line up at the medication window to get their vitamins and other drugs they need for whatever illnesses they may have and I started to notice an extra pill in my cup. I asked Dustin about it during one of our nightly meetings and he said blankly "I suggested to the doctors to add an SSRI to your cup. It takes a while to take affect but everyone seems to think it'll help you out." Oh. I've heard the guys talking about those little pills before.. wait.

"Who is everyone?" I felt the anger building. How could he betray me this way?

"Lucas. I've been covering for you for a long time now. Your behavior has been getting erratic. I got together with your doctors and your teachers and we all think this should really help you out with your moods. Why are you so angry?"

"Because I don't need them!" I snapped. The guys were always whispering about the SSRI's and talking about how much they hated them and made them feel sick. I figured I didn't have to take them and I had somehow escaped that fate but I guess not. I tried hiding it under my tongue the first few times I saw it not knowing what it was but the nurses were always quick to tell if I swallowed it or not. I've been taking this yellow pill now for 3 weeks and I haven't noticed any difference in my moods at all. I've definitely been feeling nauseous a lot more than usual but that's about it. How is this supposed to help me? I'm living in hell. I don't need drugs. I need to get the hell out of here.

Dustin stared at me in surprise to my sudden outburst. His jaw dropped and he looked hurt by my harsh words. I tried to calm myself as I hated to see him in pain. "I just don't understand, that's all." I said trying to regain my composure. Dustin stooped down my level and grabbed my shoulder squeezing it tight. "It's nothing to worry about. It's very common and most of the boys your age have been on them for months already, some for years. It has some benefits we can't ignore."

"You mean suppression?" I blurted out defensively and Dustin just shrugged, eyes pointed at the ground. Suddenly, my thoughts turned darker as I realized my 13th birthday was next week. I realized how much worse things could be. I thought about Benjamin and Asher and I began spiraling.

"Dustin. You're my friend aren't you?" I looked up toward him and our eyes locked. "I can't go to the Teenage Wing. Don't let them take me. I'll just stay here. I'll mentor Nathan. I'll take the pills. Just don't let Eric take me. I can't go there. I'm not ready." My eyes began to well up with tears and I realized in that moment exactly what happened to Asher. He would have rather crawled out of a broken window and bled out than go to the Teenage Wing. Come to think of it, that happened to a lot of boys right before their 13th birthdays. It was my turn now.

"Lucas. Lucas. Calm down" Dustin embraced me as he threw his arms all around my body and pulled me close to his chest. I was sobbing into his shoulder and my body began to tremble. Deep down I knew Dustin couldn't protect me. He was afraid of Eric too, I could see it in his eyes anytime he came around. That was the last nightly meeting we ever had. And by next week my time had run out. I had my bags all packed and ready to transfer to the Teenage Wing. Eric would come and collect me in the morning. I laid in my bed one last time thinking about Elijah. He still had his childhood innocence. Mine would be stripped away by morning.