Population Zero

Chapter Fourteen

The next day we arrived back on the youth compound and it felt like a lifetime had passed me by. I was wearing the oversized clothes I had been given when I first arrived at Van Whittle's office complete with the rope belt and stolen treasures in my pocket. Asher had been in the back of my mind all afternoon but I kept pushing him farther and farther back while I tried to focus my attention on Dustin's sudden death. I had spent the night crying, sobbing, and destroying whatever I could reach in that god forsaken office excluding any valuable books which I couldn't bring myself to ruin in case one day I would return to finish reading them. Van Whittle went fairly easy on me for all the destruction, only requiring that I help clean everything up the following morning. I guess I should be very grateful to him after all, I wouldn't have even known about Dustin's funeral if it weren't for him. When I walked back into the teenage wing I found my old roommate, Renzo, passed out in his bed. He was caked in mud and filthy as usual and I had to plug my nose to avoid the smell as I threw myself on the bed across from his. I was once afraid to be like him. Afraid to do hard labor on a farm, milking cows and collecting eggs. Now I envied him. In a short while he will be awoken by the lunch bells and he'll sit down to eat his vegetarian meal guilt free with his friends and joke about the latest kid to get demoted. He has his guitar and his faith. What do I have? I abandoned my best friend and I'll probably never see him again. The only adult who ever loved me is dead and I never got a chance to say goodbye. A tear slid down my cheek at this last thought. The last time I saw Dustin he looked like such a mess. I couldn't help but feel that I somehow contributed to his suicide. But the truth was I still didn't know if he really did it. There was so much that I didn't know. So much that I still needed to find out. I wouldn't be seeing Van Whittle again until next month when the youth preparatory training program begins again and I'm not even sure it's what I really want. I know it was what Dustin had always wanted but I just wasn't sure of anything anymore. I laid down for a moment and tried to clear my head when shortly after the lunch bell rang Renzo popped his head up. "Hey, Luke! Your back! Didn't think I'd be seeing you again." He chuckled. "And still a level 4, eh? This kid is impressive." He said almost to himself.

"I'm starving." I blurted out before he could ask me anymore questions. "Let's go eat."

In the lunch room we sat close to the back where the patio was and I could see the pavilion from where we sat. For a long time I ate quietly, thinking about all the times we had our monthly meetings and how much simpler life used to be at the East Wing. I remembered the day I first met Dustin at my first monthly meeting and how nervous and scared I was. He was always so difficult to read and I think that's what attracted me most to him. I never knew at that moment how much he would grow to mean to me. Renzo sat to my right chatting with Fabian across the table who didn't even seem to notice I was there but I didn't mind it. I welcomed the neglect at this point in my life. Finally, cutting them off mid conversation I mused out loud, "So, when is the next monthly meeting?"

"It's tomorrow, actually. I almost forgot! I was going to bring Lola and play a tune I'd been working on. Want to hear it?" He asked.

"Not really." I said.
"Don't look at me." Said Fabian shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh. Bummer. Well you'll both hear it tomorrow, like it or not." He snickered. He paused and got serious for a moment. "I still can't believe he's gone"

"Me either." Responded Fabian.
"Me either." My eyes began welling up with tears despite my resolve to fight them and I tried to look straight up to keep them from falling but it didn't work.

"Look, the way I see it, he's in a better place. He was suffering so much. God forgives." He placed his hand on my shoulder and the simple act of compassion and strength unraveled me to my core. I broke down in the middle of the cafeteria in uncontrollable sobs and had to run out through the automatic doors to the back patio for solace. In the corner of my eye I saw Renzo and Fabian both stand up and I prayed they wouldn't follow me. I sat for a moment on the bench outside trying to pull myself together when I looked up and saw directly across from me the doors to the East Wing cafeteria. I wiped my eyes and attempted to blow my nose onto a used gum wrapper I had in my pocket. I turned my back to the automatic doors and made sure I wasn't being followed or watched. Nope. I walked closer to the opposite doors and peered into the window looking for a familiar face. There didn't seem to be many kids in there. It was much emptier than I expected so much so that it was very easy to spot Nathan and his entourage of idiots hanging all over him. God, I forgot how much I hated him. I continued to scan the crowd until I saw him. It was Elijah. It had to be him. He look like be shot up a foot taller since I last saw him but there was no denying him standing there awkwardly and alone like the misfit he always was. I wanted so badly for him to see me but before I knew it the bell had rang and everyone had scattered. Lunch was over. The only thing that kept me going now was knowing that I would see him tomorrow at the meeting. I didn't know if he would speak to me or not. I didn't know how he and the other kids must have taken the news of Dustin. My last thought before I turned around to return to the teenage wing was of Eric. The bastard that abandoned me at the adult compound in the middle of a hazardous construction site. The jerk who was responsible for Derek being sent there by giving him the wrong dose of his medication. Did he do that on purpose? Was he responsible for Dustin's death? I knew in my heart that they had an animosity towards one another but I could never figure out why. No one ever really talks about such things. I suddenly realized what I had to do next; Find out more about Dustin's death, whatever it takes. Step one, talk to Elijah.