Books, Boys, and Basketball: Senior Year

SKATING

After team Maverick is disqualified for cheating, it's announced that we won by default, and... well... you know me, I rubbed our win in Kim's face every chance I could get. The level of saltiness in her eyes fills my beating heart with joy. Now all I need to do is fix my love life.

It's been a week, and Drew still isn't talking to me, which is nothing new. I know his routine by now and eventually he'll speak to me again when he's ready. I just have to wait him out.

I get it. He's mad. He's worried that my work with Candor will put another target on my back, and his. Thank God he doesn't know I already have a target on my back. Not only would it prove him right, but it completely undermines any argument I could make.

I hate this. I hate us being at odds with each other, because he means the world to me. I just... I don't know how to have both. I don't know how to fight for what I believe in when he's so dead set against it. And I don't know how to stand my ground with him when our relationship is at stake.

He's not wrong to worry about my safety. So, I have no argument there. All I can do is keep expressing to him why this is important to me and hope he understands.

We have plans to go roller skating with our friends tonight, and he hasn't cancelled. So, I'm assuming we're still on, but I'm worried. I don't want to lose him. We've been together through thick and thin. Through Bill O'Riley and Candor and my dad... I can't imagine my life without him in it. I have to fix this.

So, when Drew pulls up to Grams' right on time for our date, I'm determined to make sure we get back on track. Back to his constant smile, kisses, and tokens of affection.

"Please don't be mad at me for wanting to protect my friends, Drew. I was wrong for keeping it from you and for working with Q behind your back, but not about this. I was them not too long ago, and I care about what happens to them. I know I went about it the wrong way, but my intentions are good," I argue my point.

Drew sighs heavily. "I know why you're doing it, and I know what it means to you, Sid. But, think about things from my perspective. I'm in love with you. For you to willingly put your life on the line to be a martyr for these girls... while it may be heroic to some, and it is, it's also fucking selfish to me. You care more about saving your friends than you do being here for me, because let's keep it real, the Isaac's have no problem coming after you if you do this. These people have a lot of power and they want to keep it. If that means getting rid of some black girl no one will miss, they will. And where the fuck does that leave me?"

Once again Drew is throwing an angle at me, I didn't see coming. Am I being selfish...? Is helping my friends escape Candor knowing what the consequences may be, selfish...?

The answer hits me as soon as I finish asking myself the question. It's selfish where our relationship is concerned, and inconsiderate of all the time and effort he's put into loving me.

Then again... "If you love me as much as you say you do, you'll understand why I need to do this. You'd support me on this."

"And then what? Say I decide to support you and you succeed in taking down the Isaac's, but in doing so, they come after you and finish the job this time. Those girls you're worried about... your friends, they'll have their freedom, but the Isaac's will still have their money and power. You... you'll be dead, and what will I have for my trouble? Memories?Have you thought about the fact that they might come after me too? When will this end, Sid? When will it be enough for you to walk away, leave these people alone, and let this shit go? When you're dead? This isn't some law in order special, Sidney. This is real life, and in real life... the bad guys win even if they lose sometimes." He sulks.