All my Boys

ep. 3; Secrets

"would u take my virginity?!"

i thought i was dreaming. what the actual fuck?! did i heard him right?!

jiminie, MY jiminie, asked me to take his virginity. to be his first. gave me the permission to fuck him. to kiss him. touch him impropriated! finally!

i told him that i had to think about it and went home. i was jibberish the whole night, i couldnt sleep, i had to think about this.

oh jimin.... u had no idea what u are doing to me....

since i knew him, i loved him. first in a childish way. i took care of him, i protected him, i was on his side all the time. when puberty hit, i started to see him in another way. disturbing way. i didnt know first, that i liked boys, so the feelings he ignited in me, were confusing as hell.

when i found out, what it was, i was relived and horrified, cause i loved my best friend. i dreamed about things, i liked to do with or to him, what made my face red and nervous next to him. my jiminie....

i started to have sex and learned all about it. i couldnt start with anyone a relationship, cause i wanted to be free for him. when he told me, that he was also on the boys side, i was so happy.

now i thought we really could be together, as i wanted, but... he never looked in my eyes for real. i was in the best friends corner and that was it. that was defestating for me and i really fucked around, after i figured it out.

that year was horrible for me.

i longed to touch him, more than just the occasional hug, handholding, or cuddle at movienights.

i wanted to feel his warm body, his soft skin.
i wanted to lick his body, from the toes to his face.
i wanted to taste his toungue, his neck, his nipples, his dick, balls and hole.
i wanted to dive my hard cock into him, ravish him, made him cry out my name over and over again.

i wanted him to be mine. only mine.

over the hard months, i resignated and started something with jhope.

hope was a dancer in an underground group, quiet fantastic and very popular in our school. he was really nice. looked good and never had a bad attitude. he made me laugh and sometimes forgot about jimin. we started to date, what surprised me, cause he knew my reputation and still....

only not on fridays, that day was still reserved for my jiminie.

hope never asked about fridays. somehow i thought, he knew that that was a thing i wouldnt talk about. i was thankfull for this. and now... my dream came true. not like i wanted it, but i took what i got!

feverish i reserched for the best things to do, when u take ones virginity. i wanted to give jiminie the best of all first times. in the back of my mind, i, of course, had another outcome of this lucky situation.

maybe i could make him see, that we both should be together! maybe he would understand that i was the one for him.

big dreams, joon! big dreams.

i focused on every tremble, on every noise, on every move, every expression he gave me, to gave him the best feelings and time. thank god, jimin never suspected me to be on the edge the whole time.

it was really pitty, cause i couldnt enjoy a second of our doings. my mind was only focused on jimin and my performance. shit! now i had the chance and in the end.... fuck! fuck! fuck!

but jimin gave me a chance to do it again with him. i was so enlighted! he fell right there in my trap, which i didnt knew i layed out for him. now there was another chance with him.