Three Brothers (Completed)

So Many Plans So Little Time

The first week of their relationship I spent the entire time trying to make it look like James was cheating on Lily. I'd steal his phone and text random girls I knew he had slept with and text them sexy little things, but James was never interested in them and Lily didn't seem to care either. I tried getting James drunk at a party and throwing hot drunk girls at him, but he really only had eyes for Lily until he slept with another girl I hadn't set him up with. Lily found out because I had told her, she cried and screamed at him and at the end of it all they had become official. That's right, he cheated on her and she became his girlfriend. How the hell does that even work? I would have to bring on my A game for their second week together.

That first week Lily had met almost all of James' friends and had passed with flying colors. They all thought she was lovely and the perfect girl for James, not surprising, Lily was pretty amazing. Now James was meeting all of her friends. The first person he met was Finn, I knew I wouldn't have to sabotage that one, in Finn's eyes no one was good enough for Lily.

According to James, Finn took one look at him and asked "Who's the faggot?" James had been horrified, but he didn't run and cower and he didn't say anything snarky back. You can imagine my surprise when James came back and told me that after the first few bumps in the road, Finn had learned to get along with him. Finn even went on to tell him that he wasn't as bad as some of the other jerks Lily had dated.

After that, I put black hair dye in James shampoo. He had been horrified, and nearly missed his date with Lily. He told her he was sick and couldn't make it out. I invited her over and she found out pretty quick that he had lied. I thought that the fact that he lied to her would be enough to at least start a fight, and if that didn't work, maybe the strange hair color would look horrible on him and she's be so uncomfortable she'd break up with him, but I under estimated Lily's kind heart. Lily didn't care about the hair, and she was sympathetic about his reason for lying.

That night Lily made dinner for him in our house, and the following day James had a hair dresser fix his black hair. Lily told him that she didn't care what his hair looked like, she'd like him either way. In return he bought her the expensive pair of heels she wanted. I witnessed their second fight that night, turned out Lily didn't like it when people bought her expensive things.

Two days later James met one of Lily's oldest girlfriends, Jade. She was a little Asian fox, who didn't like it when you called her a little Asian fox, in fact, that was a good way to get punched, which was exactly what Jade did when James called her that. The rest of the luncheon was James apologizing as Lily tended to his black eye. He explained over and over again that he meant it as a compliment and that he didn't understand why Jade got so mad. Lily explained that Jade got mad at everyone so he wasn't to be too upset by her response.

After that disastrous encounter, James wanted to hold off on meeting anymore of Lily's friends, and I slipped itching powder into all of his boxers so he'd be inappropriately itchy. An unfortunate side effect was that it gave James a rash, well it wasn't unfortunate for me. I thought it was hilarious.

That night James came into my room uninvited. "Okay, I've been surprisingly patient with you and your little pranks," he said. "But now you've gone too far." I merely stared at him with a smug grin. "Come on Royce, it looks like I have some sort of STD!"

I burst out in laughter at that point, though James didn't think it was funny at all. "All's fair in love and war," I remind him.

"It's not love! You're eighteen and she's turning twenty four! She was NEVER going to date you! When are you going to get that through that thick scull of yours?" James cried. "Look, I'm going to go shower, and you are going to get a reality check. Give it up, Lily's never going to date you, but you never know she may still be your friend if you stop acting like a shit-dick."

James left me there,glaring at him, wishing he wasn't right. Why hadn't I thought of it before? Thekey to breaking them up wasn't to make James look bad, but to make Lily feelguilty. I finally had a better plan then putting peanut butter in his bed andletting an army of squirrels loose on him.