This Year I've Had Enough

You're Already The Voice Inside My Head

Every day,

every god damn day.

That voice in my head is telling me,

"You're worthless, you can't do anything, you will never amount to anything nor will anyone love you."

These are the things that plague my mind,

my dreams,

my life.

"Alex?"

Fuck what had jack asked him? I've been getting more and more distracted by my thoughts everyday lately.

"I-i....y-y...h-hmm?" of course all i can do around Jack is get tongue tied and and barely mumble a coherent word

Jack gives him that look like he's crazy yet so intrigued by his tongue tied mannor whenever he gets like this,

"Are you okay?"

No, i'm far from okay.

"Yes." why does he always ask him if he's okay. It's not like he can fix the thoughts so why ask.

"Oh, well are you coming over today or..." Jack lets his question hang in the air like the smell after something dies,... god my mind is morbid.

"Uhhmm, yeah i'm sure that's fine, i don't think i have anything to do." Of course i don't have anything to do. Nobody, but Jack for some reason, wants to hang out with kid who talks to himself and has voices in his head.

"Don't act like you have a life besides me." Jack winks and chuckles at me playfully to make it seem like it's not true, like i do have something besides him.

They had let the silence of the class fall onto their conversation leaving them with their thoughts momentarily.

Maybe i should tell him?

-Are you asking me, or are you gonna be a little idiot and ignore me, and end up do stupid things like usual?-

No i think i'm gonna do it.

-Stop fucking talking about it like a pussy and just do it before i stab someone.-

"Uhm, hey Jack? Can, can i tell you something?"

"Yeah, what is it?" There was that feeling again, it felt, well, in the cliché way of putting it, butterflies in his stomach. And frankly it scared him.

"Uhm wel-"

"Boys? Would you like to share what you're talking about with the class?"

Why does this bitch always interrupt my talks with Jack, it's so rude.

"No." I hate it when teachers interrupt me when i'm trying to talk to jack. Especially when i'm trying to tell him something this important. How much he cares about him.

-Damn i'm surprised you managed to mumble that out before i told her how much i want to hurt her.-

WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GO AWAY?

-Fuck off you know without me you'd still be alone.-

I'm still practically alone with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Will you look at me Alex?"

-No,-

Shut up.

I peek through my mess of hair to see Jack sitting across from me on the couch in my living room, waiting for an answer. I pull my legs close to my chest, and scoot farther back into the arm rest because every time Jacks leg brushes against mine it's like a wave of electricity. And when i scoot back Jack does the same. I wish he wouldn't